Pure Evil

Everyone should have a verse of Scripture that speaks to where they are at any given moment. For me, today, it's the one in the second book of Hezekiah that says "Woe to you who install fiberglass insulation". I may have misquoted it there.
Fiberglass insulation is pure evil. It was actually invented by Thaddeus P. Thudpucker in 1836, the year that Texas became the greatest nation in the world. Legend has it that when Tad was a lad that he was bad that his dad got mad and had Tad build a pad. Something thick that would keep out not only the heat, but the sound of the Mariachi band next door. He was a stupid kid and made stuff out of glass and the theory of evolution was finally debunked when, in 2003, stupid people are still using that stuff to keep out the heat and the sound of the Mariachis next door.
There could be some good uses for it though. Having problems with a mouthy kid? No problem. "Here, Junior. Have some cotton candy." Far more effective than soap, I'm thinking. Rapists could be sentenced to have to wear insulated underwear. You can choose the color, yellow or pink. Got a itch on your arm. No problem. Pain is your body's way of crying for attention. Rub some insulation on it. Your body, expecting to be scratched and appeased, will be in shock at the onslaught of pain that you've unleashed and shut up about the itch. That last one is just a theory, mind you.
That part in the Bible that mentions the Lake of Fire is a lousy translation. The word there for fire in the Greek is actually 'fiberglass insulation'. That's eternal torment. A shower of lemon juice and then a synchronized swimming class in the lake of insulation. After a dinner of stale chips, lousy salsa, and no salt, you can enjoy a concert where Liberace plinks out Yanni's greatest hits on an out of tune piano. Oh yes. I'm going to sleep now. (Itch/scratch)