I was talking with a friend recently about honest prayer. We were talking about the things that we would like to communicate to God and exactly how we would formulate the words to accurately convey what was in our heart and head at the moment. The conversation was brutal in its content and I occasionally felt the urge to duck under the table for fear of suffering retribution for what was coming out of my mouth. I was sure that God was going to pour wrath on my occasional selfish discontent. But when I recall the Scriptures, those who were closest to Him often had not only a passion to their praise but a fire behind their frustrations. God seems to take them both in as He is fervently tender and has created us to be so as well. So I searched through a journal of prayers that I’ve prayed over the years. (I write them so I won’t forget) The following is an entry from January 16, 2001. You may be offended by it at first but search your heart and see if you haven’t felt this a time or two.

“Father God. I just read that You desire to commune with me. If Your desire is to commune with me, what’s stopping You? Certainly I don’t hold the power to keep You back. And if I do would you kindly or unkindly overpower me? I always seek a deeper walk and always desire Your presence, (well, most of the time). The waiting and wondering how I can attain the Enoch walk, the Elijah mantle, the Samuel midnight visit, the Isaiah vision, or the Moses glow is enough to drive a mortal mad. I can sit seemingly forever and pray until I have nothing left to say but Your Name. But I guess it takes time. I understand that Your grace tells me that I can‘t be so offensive that You are repulsed at the thought of me. I also can’t take an action to gain a greater favor with You, can I? If there were a river or mud-hole to dip in or a mountain to run around I would gladly do it. More gladly to hear a clear command to do it would be the most desirable thing. I have no problem discerning whether the thoughts and ideas in my heart and mind are good ideas or not. I just want to know that they are Yours. I don’t need another idea from my own head and I don’t desire to make my own way or attain any success apart from You. Drag me to where You want me. The scars would always remind me that I wasn’t on this journey alone. Scream in my ear. And should I be left deaf from the experience my soul would be forever sustained knowing that You have allowed me to hear Your voice. Even if you strike me, whatever mark is left will tell my heart that you took a moment to touch me. Take me to where my heart is. Amen