Does it ever seem that your view of God leaves you saying, "I wish God loved me as much now as He did when I was lost." You might think then that one must become as prodigal as possible to experience the fullness of grace or become as bound as possible to fully appreciate the gift of freedom or become as wounded as possible to adequately know the value of healing. This tragedy exists until the fact is realized that no matter how much darkness I attempt to add to my soul, I cannot make myself any more lost than I already am. Neither can I obey enough to gain more mercy and favor than you. Ultimately then, whether I'm born to a gangster or a preacher, my responsiblity is to spend my life in thanks and praise to my Savior who has flooded my darkness with His light.

Memorial Day. To memorize. To never forget. To remember. To put back together that which has been dismembered. To reconstruct. To always retain the ability to recall how things were. Somehow the way things were is often far better than the way things are. For one reason or another we will also look back on today as better than it seems at the moment because the past is whatever you want it to be. Most of us want it to be worth remembering so it's construction is often selective of the material that was best and that material (when separated from the bad and embellished) will build a structure more attractive than the one we live in today. I guess it would be of much benefit for us to be able to identify the best in this moment and build life to be just as attractive as we will one day remember. Memorial day is time to not only remember (reconstruct) the past but prepare this day as one that will one day be remembered as well.

Ever wonder what's going on in the lives of those whom you come in contact with every day? Of all of the traits I need to cultivate I believe empathy is the toughest. So today I aspire toward the virtue of empathy. Tasting tears other than my own.

In reading Mark's familiar account of Jesus' encounter with blind Bart' while visiting Jericho I noticed a strange portion of the story. Jesus hears the blind beggar man calling out to Him for mercy, which in itself is an interesting thing. But Mark records Jesus' less than compassionate response like this. Jesus stood still and called for him to come. How inconsiderate was that? Telling a blind man to come here is like challenging Christopher Reeve to a game of charades. The 'Christian' thing to do (according to the way we think) would have been to go to the blind man and heal his sight and THEN give him marching orders. I'm convinced that Jesus is hardly the pious sad sack that we have created in our art, pulpits, and plays. Jesus was/is good but he was hardly nice. His challenge to Bart was come follow me with no promise of healing, provision, or mercy. Simply a voice saying come. The beggar casts aside his garment and fumbles to Jesus with no record of assistance. The call still goes out to us who are blind today. Heal me first is our cry. Follow Me first is His. I guess the question is whether we want Him or simply want His supernatural ability to focus on our need. God is surely good, but He's not nice. Nice guys don't get crucified. Nice isn't what we need though. Often mercy comes in the form of a bitter medicine. Whatever we think we want I have to trust that what He desires to give, namely His voice, is really all I need in the first place.

This is not a post for movie reviews but I've gotten so many questions about the Matrix lately. Deviating from the norm, here goes nothing... So I've spent the past 24 hours pondering the profound philosophy for dummies dialog in the Matrix sequel. (That's a compliment if you're wondering, for the film cleverly verbalizes some complicated ideas). What a ride of a cinematic experience that was! I will say that this film phenom is a thought-provoking piece of material to be sure. I don't see that it's a clear spiritual story or parallel. Then again, what spiritual truth is truly clear? I read somewhere about seeing through a glass dimly. But it does cleverly illustrate some stark and mind blowing spiritual realities in graphic wonderment. A task many Christian films do with all the profound brilliance of a garden hose. (Left Behind and Omega Code come to mind) These films could have both been the Matrix but alas, a big budget in the care of badly skilled communicators produces drivel. I wouldn't say that they were badly skilled though. Perhaps they just didn't have anything to say. In this film the issues come fast and furious. Issues such as the sovereignty of God, the reality of the world that is 'unseen', the exercise of faith, the struggle to understand purpose and choice and the wondering whether they really exist at all. The tragedy of this film is that in all of it's brilliance a truly great series of spiritual illustrations gets muddied down by a bohemian 'worship' service that's more akin to a scene from Dirty Dancing, a sappy love story, and some unnecessary profanity that actually dumbs down what would otherwise be a wonderful piece of writing. So did I enjoy it as a carnal human? Absolutely. The freeway chase is the most amazing action sequece ever filmed, period. Pay your 7 bucks and go about an hour into the film and leave 20 minutes later. You got your money's worth. Would I recommend this as a person of 'faith'? No. If you want to make the gray matter come to life, get to a good church. A good church would not be one that seems to have all the answers. We have only to introduce you to the One who is ‘the answer’ and then it’s going to take you a bit longer than a lifetime of fear and trembling to figure Him out. If you think your church has a corner market on the truth somebody has sold you some oceanfront property in Arizona. So here's the deal. It's tragic when you have to go to a movie to get your wheels turning spiritually. Church should do this. Get to one that does.

The Prayer of Agur
Proverbs 30:7-9 “Two things I request of you (Lord) deprive me not before I die. Remove falsehood and lies far from me and give me neither poverty nor riches. Feed me with the food you prescribe for me. Lest I be full and deny you saying, “Who is the Lord?” or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.” Agur’s humble display of character, balance, awareness of personal weakness, and reliance on God is true wisdom spoken. This is not a ‘bless me’ prayer but a heart that desires that his life would bless God. Servanthood is a great idea until someone actually treats you like one.

I was talking with a friend recently about honest prayer. We were talking about the things that we would like to communicate to God and exactly how we would formulate the words to accurately convey what was in our heart and head at the moment. The conversation was brutal in its content and I occasionally felt the urge to duck under the table for fear of suffering retribution for what was coming out of my mouth. I was sure that God was going to pour wrath on my occasional selfish discontent. But when I recall the Scriptures, those who were closest to Him often had not only a passion to their praise but a fire behind their frustrations. God seems to take them both in as He is fervently tender and has created us to be so as well. So I searched through a journal of prayers that I’ve prayed over the years. (I write them so I won’t forget) The following is an entry from January 16, 2001. You may be offended by it at first but search your heart and see if you haven’t felt this a time or two.

“Father God. I just read that You desire to commune with me. If Your desire is to commune with me, what’s stopping You? Certainly I don’t hold the power to keep You back. And if I do would you kindly or unkindly overpower me? I always seek a deeper walk and always desire Your presence, (well, most of the time). The waiting and wondering how I can attain the Enoch walk, the Elijah mantle, the Samuel midnight visit, the Isaiah vision, or the Moses glow is enough to drive a mortal mad. I can sit seemingly forever and pray until I have nothing left to say but Your Name. But I guess it takes time. I understand that Your grace tells me that I can‘t be so offensive that You are repulsed at the thought of me. I also can’t take an action to gain a greater favor with You, can I? If there were a river or mud-hole to dip in or a mountain to run around I would gladly do it. More gladly to hear a clear command to do it would be the most desirable thing. I have no problem discerning whether the thoughts and ideas in my heart and mind are good ideas or not. I just want to know that they are Yours. I don’t need another idea from my own head and I don’t desire to make my own way or attain any success apart from You. Drag me to where You want me. The scars would always remind me that I wasn’t on this journey alone. Scream in my ear. And should I be left deaf from the experience my soul would be forever sustained knowing that You have allowed me to hear Your voice. Even if you strike me, whatever mark is left will tell my heart that you took a moment to touch me. Take me to where my heart is. Amen

The greatness of God's love for us stands in stark contrast to the weakness of our love for Him. Why does God pour out grace with such abandon on a people who could not possibly return it with equal fervor? The story of the ruler who was forgiven an insurmountable debt only to turn and deal harshly with his own servant would suggest that God is expressing this level of grace that we may in turn view and deal with each other in the same grace. It is in this expression of love for one another that we find the capacity to return to God the worship that He is due. How can one hate his brother who he has seen but love God who he has not seen? When we get to know people we inevitably find things about them that we don't like. What makes us think that when we get to know God that we won't find the same thing? Scripture vividly illustrates that most people who get close to God have occasional disagreements with Him. Jonah, Elijah, David, Peter, Adam... It doesn't make us right because God's always right. It's simply to demonstrate that not everything about God is going to rub us the right way. Some things about Him rub you like sandpaper on a sunburn. But acceptance of His whole nature brings a powerful capacity to be changed by it. Isn't that the point? The Gospel of the Kingdom is 'come as you are' but not 'stay as you are'. That's a good thing. "...zeal for your house consumes me." Psalm 69

“Men never go mad by dreaming. If anything the ability to dream is the medicine that chases madness away. Critics are far madder than poets.” GK Chesterton
New age tells man to search for God within self. God, however, suggests that we should hunt Him like an eagle on the mountains. God not only touches man deeply but also transcends us to the point where we must transcend self to grasp Him. So I am inclined in my immature adventurous nature to pursue God as a man would hunt an eagle in the Himalayas. And in doing this I know that He will “never leave us nor forsake us” yet the paradox to this is that I know how David must have felt when He wrote, “as the deer pants for the water so my soul longs for You.” When you’re aware that you’re in the presence of God you long for Him even more. He inspires a hunger within us that is not only satisfied by His presence but is also enlarged by it.

I lost my friend, Marshall (the Colonel) Woolever, this week. He had made his 90th leap over the annual hurdle and did so with a sharp mind, quick wit, and profound wisdom. Old age in many people invokes sympathy, but in Marshall it produced inspiration. Marshall taught me three things about the ministry. Be prepared, be brief, be seated. So in his honor I have prepared a brief letter (while seated). You're home now, Colonel. I will miss you, but only for a while. See you again someday...

Dear Marshall,

I heard this afternoon that you had a pretty good day. I would say that seeing God would certainly make a day memorable. Thank you for pouring your life into us here. You shared so much wisdom and understanding and taught us that God was and is truly faithful. The only downside to this day I see is that you're home and I'm here and the world has lost a defender. A defender of America and a defender of the faith. But I would be shallow to say that your ability has been limited by your entrance into eternity. As you join the great cloud of witnesses I will listen for your voice urging us on and saying as you said so often, "Remain faithful". I will.

Bill

Growing up on the prairie of South Dakota I discovered that time was beautiful and a moment could last forever if you would be willing to stop and let it burn it’s imprint into your soul.  I spent those moments absorbing the beauty of a barren land without powerline and fence where man long ago gave up the notion of erecting a city that would draw massive amounts of people looking for the American dream.  This would never happen in a land where time had to stop for six months while the blinding snow and furious wind washed the land timeless again and there the weather found it’s playground.  With the marvels of man and the mountains left behind, the wind found an unhindered vastness and beat the prairie grass mercilessly.  During summer  storms the thunder slammed its fist into the ground with a force that would bring to life the deepest sleeper.  The wind twisted and turned like a caged animal suddenly set free.  The twisting and rocking trees testified to its indecisive inability to find a single path.  Though appearing helpless to the forces tearing at them the prairie trees were no stranger to this power and with their roots firmly embedded in the rich soil, they laughed at the storms.  As a detective depends on the criminal in a partnership of emnity so the trees of the plains draw their strength from the relentless wind.  To find strength one must face adverse circumstances.  Our offensive force upon a weaker foe is not a revealing test of strength.  Only a stronger foe can allow our limits to be known.

A songwriter once wrote, "We are reaching for the future, we are reaching for the past, but nomatter what we have we reach for more. We are desperate to discover what is just beyond our grasp, maybe that's what heaven is for." I don't think I want to relive the past because I'll probably be reminded why I didn't think it was so great at the time. But now it's over and I choose to open the attic and find it's treasures rather than it's trash. Now if I can just do the same thing with the present, I may finally discover what abundant life is all about. Jesus had some stories to tell when he got home for sure. He didn't come back like He left. He left unblemished and we sent Him home with enough scars to hold the sin and sickness of all humanity for all time. I wonder what the saints and the angels said to Him as He made His way to the Father's throne? I'm sure they were in shock at the welcome He had received from us, at the fickle heart of man, and the lack of man's response. Surely they were ashamed of their fellow man who had treated the Holy Son of God with such disdain. What would the effect of those 33 years have upon Him? Would He tell the Father, "All hope is lost" and call for fire to consume the last of the Father's fallen creation? He instead takes His place at the Father's right hand and 'intercedes' for you and I. We have an Advocate whose memories of man produced compassion. That's grace...

Grandfathered

My Grandfather was fascinated by God's natural creations. He figured man's motivation in making stuff was for personal satisfaction and/or money. Since God is probably satisfied and doesn't need anything least of all money, Grandpa concluded that His only possible motivation for creating the wonders around us was His intense love for us. Every time he picked up a rock that sparkled or a flower with an intricate design it was an expression of God's love for us. To absorb and understand that love my Grandfather disappeared into that creation as if God's expression could only be returned by our taking pleasure in it. This made sense to me when I received a present from a dear friend. I found great enjoyment in the gift mainly because of my deep regard for the friend. The converse would then logically be that those who take no pleasure in the gift demonstrate the shallow depth of their regard for the friend. I think of the times in my life I have shown contempt for God by disregarding or merely ignoring the wealth of His many gifts. If God created this world to enjoy He certainly must have created within us the capacity to enjoy it. So then if I love God it musn't simply be by mental ascent or disciplined ritual but in allowing my senses to worship Him wholly and completely. It is then and only then that we are whole and complete.

I find comfort in knowing that I am not in danger of facing the wrath of God. Instead I have been identified with the Son. John 5:22 "for the Father judges no one but has committed all judgement to the Son." Acts 17:31, 10:42, 2:24