Remember recess? It’s an old joke that’s new with every child the first time they’re asked by a sincere adult, “What’s your favorite class?” They cleverly answer, “Recess.” God forbid we should have any part of the school day that kid’s actually enjoy, so recess has been done away with. In it’s place is adult supervised, structured, and safe activity. In the minds of some current educators the term is akin to cursing. I’m convinced that this crop of educators who have killed recess are a collection of those to whom recess was torture. They were the ones in the corner of the playground. The ones who had an enemy who took full advantage of the free for all attitude of recess to unleash a 55 minute reign of terror.
The year is 1982 and I’m in the third grade at East Side Elementary in Marshall, MN. Mrs. Shultz (who bore a striking resemblance to the Hogan’s Heroes character of the same name) would direct us to, ‘walk until you get outside’ which meant that when we hit the door we were in another world. Kids scattered all over the asphalt playground and grassy field in a display of creative chaos, racing for the swings, heading for the see saw. During this hour each day, we learned to be a society. Governments were formed, alliances were created, enemies were avoided (or confronted), and an unwritten set of rules governed the world. Time was precious and so wasting it wasn’t an option. A game must be chosen and so on this day, kickball takes over the diamond. The athlete or the pretty girl has the red rubber ball and decides who the two captains will be. Some days a couple of equally ambitious popular kids are chosen and some days it’s a couple of equally inept and shy youngsters who don’t want to offend anybody. The choosing is a scary business as you waited for your name to be called. If you were called early it meant that you were in demand and expectations were high. You’d better not disappoint or your name might be called toward the back of the pack tomorrow. It didn’t matter who you were, you felt bad for the last kids chosen but you were glad that today it wasn’t you. Now positions are chosen and a lineup for kicker is determined. The whole process takes less than two minutes meaning that modern leaders could learn a thing or two about avoiding gridlock from kids who were determined not to waste time with paralysis by analysis.
My personal favorite was dodgeball in all of its primal violence. I remember like it was this morning, the dodgeball crowd was made up of the brave who bore the scars and scabs of tasting asphalt and picking it out of your knees and palms. The feeling of running the gauntlet between two sides who were throwing with the intent to kill, ducking under one and leaping over another before reaching the other side of the field without a scratch was intoxicating. My buddy Tanner had the accuracy and force to put an imprint in the side of your head if you weren’t watching. A cage rattling shot from a half inflated ball stung enough to make the nice kids cry. In the third grade, we had no time for girls, unless they played dodgeball. Erin Olsen, with her short brown hair, friendly smile, and new shoes, asked to play one day. We obliged. Erin hit the game with the grace and ferocity of a cute ninja. Watching to the left, she didn’t notice my shot from the right that took her legs out and she hit the ground with a crack. I ran out to make sure she was still alive and when she looked up blinking back tears, I looked at her face for the first time. I knew what she looked like before but now I really ‘saw’ her, and I fell in love. I was, after all responsible for her injury. It was a strange feeling that would lead to my first gift to a girl, an Erase a Mate pen (that had erasable ink). I ended up breaking my first heart at recess when I noticed the new girl, Holly. It was at recess that I learned that having two girlfriends at the same time is not a good thing. Is there a class in school that teaches that? I don’t think so.
Danger was a part of the world and it seemed that every day, somebody had a battle scar to show off. A black eye, goose egg on the forehead, ice pack on a wrist, or the common cut chin from not paying attention when walking by the swings. In the winter the snow would be piled up at the end of the playground in a mountain of ice that was about as exciting as Disneyland. Snow slides, king of the hill, and digging caves were activities that that snow pile would provide for a limited amount of time. As the sun warmed the land in spring, our precious mountain would shrink and so we learned to deal with disappointment and loss and the fact that new seasons bring some beautiful changes.
At recess, we learned things that sitting at a desk will never teach. We learned to laugh, organize, get along, deal with heartbreak and pain, create, survive, take care of ourselves and each other, build relationships, and enjoy life to the utmost.
Whether we like it or not, life is recess. God has let us loose on the playground, not to fend for ourselves, but to show us what is in us that we can’t see yet. It seems as though God believes in us more than we believe in ourselves or each other. Even though God calls us to grow, I wonder if we ever really grow up?

"And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of." William Shakespeare

Perception is an interesting thing. Physically speaking, I will never see my own face with my own eyes. I've seen my reflection in a mirror but that's a reversed image. I've seen myself on video and photograph but we all know that the camera adds about 35 lbs or so. Plainly put, I only think I know what I look like. What do others see when they see you? They certainly have an advantage physically for their eyes can see you in a way that your eyes cannot. So then we may be able to trust the perception of others and therefore if they are honest with us, they can describe what they see and our understanding of ourselves grows as a result. But in this day selfishness blinds our ability to do this effectively. When we look at another person and their eyes meet ours we usually judge their reaction and respond with, "What? Do I have something on my face?" So then we use their face as a mirror by which we judge whether or not we're accepted or rejected in their sight. Therein lies the self centered nature in us all. It's usually all about us and I'm no less guilty than you. Rare is the person who looks with the intent to discover the hidden treasure behind the windows of the soul to look past the stare of judgment, the shallow darkness of regret, or the face shadowed by shame, into the deep well of the spirit. To look and to see what we with our own eyes cannot see in ourselves. It seems as though God has made us to be less reliant on our own flawed perception of ourselves and instead to search for the gaze of one whose purity can see what we thought was lost forever. Perhaps Moses was asking too much when he asked God to look upon him for if no man can see God and live, what then would happen if fallen man invites the gaze of God to fall in his direction? Moses must have been thinking that he would rather die than live without grace in the eyes of God. So here's the simple conversation where Moses and God talk about the issue of perception and acceptance. Notice God's response and what He adds at the end. Wouldn't every person like to hear these words?

Exodus 33:16 For wherein shall it be known here that I and thy people have found grace in thy sight? Is it not in that Thou goest with us? So shall we be separated, I and thy people, from all the people that are upon the face of the earth.
17: And the LORD said unto Moses, I will do this thing also that thou hast spoken: for thou hast found grace in my sight, and I know thee by name.

Things in the present look a lot different when they eventually move into the past. It's funny how the death of something makes you see it differently. How the passing of time warps your perspective. How your memories tend to edit themselves until the picture you see in your mind of what 'was' is brighter or more colorful than it actually was? When I go out of town for a week or so, my children reduce in size to the place they were about three or four years ago. So then when I come home they look as though they have grown in the five days I've been gone. Of course they haven't, but this is how slowly we come to accept the changes that come to us. We're all a few years behind and our memories are sprinting to catch up.
Consider change. Conservative thought says that if you just leave a thing alone it will stay the same. Progressive thought accepts the fact that change is inevitable and in order to either maintain the status quo or move forward you must do something either way. It's like this. Suppose a man says, "As long as I leave my house and yard alone it will stay the same." We know this isn't true because paint wears and grass grows so in order for my home to stay the way I found it, I need to work to maintain it and that's not even progression. So then in order for your life to remain as it is now, there's some work involved and you can tire yourself out without even making progress. Since we're bound to work either way, why not progress toward a better end than where you are now? If I'm going to paint the house from time to time, I may change the color or buy better quality paint. If I notice something missing in an area I'll add it on and increase the value of it. Now consider your spiritual state of being. With the things of God, you are moving, as the Scriptures state, from glory to glory. So then God's desire for you is progressive and not to just leave you alone to decay. If we submit to the changes and opportunities He brings we stand a chance to grow but it we refuse to 'follow hard' after Him, our state of spiritual decay is our own doing, for change is a process to be embraced or an enemy to be hindered. Let the weeds grow under your feet if you like, but as for me, no way. Let me interject a thought here. Do you ever feel like your just waiting for endings? By that I mean that you feel as though however pleasant or pleasurable your present state, you're 'getting it over with' so that you can move on to the next thing? This is the danger of progression. That you begin to progress so rapidly that you fail to enjoy the reality of now. We reach for the future, we reach for the past, and no matter what we have we reach for more. Desperate to discover what is just beyond our grasp. I believe progression is futile unless you discover the joy in the journey. Let the satisfaction of the present exist but in a slightly weaker state than the anticipation of what's to come. While at times I've found myself satisfied with the present, the satisfaction has never overwhelmed my appetite of curiosity for the possibility of things to come. Among Jesus' final words to humanity were, "Behold (look) I make all things new." What new things does God have in store for you this year?

"The Habit of Faith"
It's strange not to have a weekly platform as an outlet to speak about what I've studied and lived in regards to faith. So I've been doing all this reading and have no place to talk about it, except in this blog and to friends who likely wish I'd stop reading altogether. Since the Narnia film came out it's been a point of conversation to rediscover the mind of CS Lewis as it pertains to the topic of faith. One of my favorite excerpts from Mere Christianity speaks of that very thing and reads as follows:
"Now faith...is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods "where they get off," you can never be either a sound Christian or a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of faith."
I find it interesting that Lewis uses the phrase "where to get off" for it seems to be contrary to the dignity of his role at Oxford. Yet it demonstrates the level of frustration that anyone can reach when we realize that we are people seemingly at the mercy of moods. Ours as well as others. We would surely do ourselves and the world a lot of good if we would train the habit of faith in such a way that a thing as flippant as a mood would not be able to sway it.

I've been thinking on the subject of growth and human nature lately and I'd like to share some sober observations.
We make progress by a two step cycle of growth. One is comfort and the other is challenge. If you can picture one foot as comfort and the other as challenge, we can easily understand the need for both. One must leave one foot and rest on the other and in a balanced pattern of movement known as a walk we progress in physical movement. In the same way comfort and challenge move us through the process of personal growth. When we're overchallenged we fry and when we're heavy on the comfort we get bored and apathy sets in. This is why studies show that we are happier dreaming about what we would do with a wealthy person's wealth than the wealthy person is actually possessing it. In addition, this cycle of growth is why the almighty dollar has such an intense amount of power in the lives of people. Money represents both comfort and challenge wrapped up in one neat little package. Having the money is the comfort, while getting the money is the challenge. Have you ever wondered why some intensely wealthy people can lose millions in Vegas without any apparent regard for the loss? Subconsciously they have eliminated one of their feet for they can seemingly buy their way out of any challenge. In their insatiable appetite for growth they realize that the only way they can feed the need for challenge is to eliminate some of the comfort so they allow enormous chunks of money to simply drain away. Others who have intense wealth feed the need for challenge differently. They continue to work. Ever wonder why Bill Gates and Michael Dell still show up at work? One can only do nothing for so long. Some people who may be successful, but not exactly wealthy, feed the need for challenge with change. For example, a doctor or lawyer leaves a successful practice only to move to Oregon to open a bike shop because he simply "needs a change." I know some people who can't deal with the concept of change. But if there's anything I've learned it's that the only thing (besides God) that never changes is that everything changes. Those who refuse to deal with the changes are destined to go as mad as a man who would try to stop time.
This is just life but I have come to believe that we grow spiritually the same way. We ask God for comfort when we're facing a challenge and when we're comfortable we ask for more comfort. We typically want challenge but on our terms. God's challenge is far too unpredictable and dangerous to our plans. Since God seems interested in our growth, the challenge and changes are inevitable. Is it possible to grow lethargic in the faith? If you have to ask, you probably got saved a couple of hours ago. Consider where you are right now. Are you facing a challenge? The Bible tells us that God will not give you more to carry than the strength He's given you to carry it. On the other hand, perhaps you've reached a point of intense comfort (not necessarily wealth) and have simply grown bored or apathetic. It may be time for a challenge.

If you've ever read Chesterton you'll understand the fact that you can read his books in any order and they'll likely make just as much sense backward as forward. Most people who have attempted to read 'Orthodoxy' scrunch up their foreheads at the mere mention of the name and declare that they're not sure what in the world he was talking about. Perhaps his own work made little sense to Chesterton himself. And yet, maybe one in a thousand who read him are continually drawn to the way he takes you on a journey of spontaneous spiritual thought, and it's a journey worth taking. Below are some of my favorite quotes and each is a slice of prime ribeye to be savored and chewed on.
-On the smallness of man... "We sit in the starry chamber of silence while the laughter of the heavens is too loud for us to hear."
-On religion in general... "All the real argument about religion turns on the question of whether a man who was born upside down can tell when he comes right way up.
-On spiritual evolution... "The greatest disaster of the 19th century was this: that men began to use the word "spiritual" as the same as the word "good." They thought that to grow in refinement was to grow in virtue. When scientific evolution was announced, some feared that it would encourage mere animality. It did worse: it encouraged mere spirituality. It taught them to think that so long as they were passing from the ape they were going to be angels. But it has been found that you can pass from ape and go to the devil. Man may claim to be on the side of angels but most are on the side of fallen angels."
-On spiritual ignorance... "If a shade arose from the underworld, and stared at Piccadilly (famous intersection in London), it would quite not understand the idea of an ordinary closed carriage. He would suppose that the coachmen on the box was a triumphant conqueror, dragging behind him a kicking and imprisoned captive. So if we see spiritual facts for the first time, we may mistake who is uppermost. It is not enough to find the gods; they make themselves obvious; we must find God."

A veteran minister gave me the following advice once. He said, “Never trust a person who doesn’t bring their Bible to church.” I tilted my head to the side in true contemplative fashion and gave a slight nod as if to say, “Hmmm, I got it.” He then said, “And never trust a person who does bring their Bible to church.” I understood, then, that he didn’t know people and had probably been burned a time or two and just needed to meet the right people in order to make a full recovery to that place where you trust implicitly with the sacrificial love of Jesus. Years later, I now understand, that he knew the things of which he spake. When people let you down, you tend to wonder if they knew what they were doing all along (insert evil laugh here) or if they simply got caught up in some emotional current and were swept away unawares (insert innocent blinking deer in headlights look here). Someone told me once that we tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. Some people have great intentions but simply can’t get their act together, and some people use outwardly righteous actions to disguise evil intentions. Either way, when things don’t go like we plan, we look for someone to blame. And blame never produces anything good in us. Consider the following. If we blame ourselves then we deal with guilt and shame. If we blame someone else it produces hate and bitterness. If we just blame the world as if that’s just the way things are, then we deal with depression and frustrated helplessness. So then, if we want to protect ourselves, we probably would do well to neither trust nor blame. Who do you really trust? I’ve found a precious few people in my life toward which I can trust. This leads to loyalty which is a lost virtue among humanity this day. Loyalty doesn’t mean that those around you agree with you or follow your leading blindly. Loyalty is a person who cares enough about you to protect you. If they see you falling, they run to catch you. If they see you in error, they care enough to attempt to open your eyes to it. It’s when they hear a rumor and defend you until they have uncovered all of the facts. It’s when you love people behind their back. Disloyalty is when you see someone falling and you point it out to those around you with no regard to reaching out to rescue them. It’s when you see someone in error and point the error out to others without ever caring enough about the individual to confront them, thus destroying your relationships from the inside out. It’s when you see a solution, but you fail to reveal it to those who need it most. It’s when you see someone who is dying and you fail to give them the medicine that you hold in your hand. When it comes down to it, loyalty is one of the finest traits in a friend. Those to whom you extend it, will never forget it. Those to whom you deny it, will likely do the same. Oscar Wilde said, “A true friend is someone who stabs you in the front.” The Bible puts it like this. Pro 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. How many friends do you truly have? This would be a good time of the year to let them know what they mean to you.

Every now and then I spend a day or so pondering a single verse of scripture. The cogitation for today is "always be ready to give an answer to every man who asks, the reason for the hope you have within you." 1 Peter 3:15 Not to answer every question. But to have an explanation for the hope you have within you. Stands to reason then that if you have no hope within you, it doesn't really matter how many questions you can answer. I believe over the years we have taken this to mean that we ought to have all our ducks in a row as far as the apologetics are concerned. Come up with all of the answers before the questions are asked so that you appear to know what you're talking about. In doing this you will demonstrate the illusion of intelligence, appear to be the expert, intimidate the inquisitive, and relieve the skeptic of the need for personal study, after all, since you already have all of the answers you must have already asked the questions. But the second part of this verse gives the hint as to the question they should be prompted to ask. "What is the reason for the hope that you have?" So then, our lives ought to be lived in such a way as to display the kind of hope that provokes such a question. So then, your intimacy with Jesus Christ, from which flows the hope that lies within, is of paramount importance. You can't give what you don't have. This is why anyone, of any age, can witness to the reality that is the saving power of God in Jesus Christ. He doesn't extend hope to merely the crusty intellectual. He holds out hope to everyone.

At 4:30 am Traci and I were wide awake. The kids were sleeping over with friends. So we were doing the unthinkable. We were headed to WalMart. It's a military exercise of sorts and we were actually later than most. Some had camped out all night inside the store. The 398.00 laptop was the hot item this time out and the 50 or so people in the line to get them would soon riot when they found out shortly before 5am that there were only 15 at this store. We wisely went to the new WalMart close to our house and avoided the one that is sitting conveniently between I35 and Dell Computer, reportedly the busiest Walmart in Texas. That was the one that we scouted last night and if the crowd then was any indication, that was the place to go if you wanted to involuntarily donate blood while buying Barbies and video games. By 11pm last night those who had staked their claim had either purchased or brought those folding lawn chairs in a bag and were camped in circles all over, strategically planning out their attack once the magic moment arrived. Since the militia had all gathered there, we opted for the other one. Now normally I don't frequent Walmart because they squeezed out the mom and pops, they underpay their employees, and I don't want to contribute to their inevitable global domination. Besides, Target is much cooler. But this year they had a price on an item that simply couldn't be beat, and so I bit and decided that we would brave the beast that Sam Walton created. (I can't tell you what it is because it's a surprise for the kiddos...) We wandered by the crowd waiting for the 42" plasma tv for 999.00. Past the slab of DVDs for 3.88. Past the portable DVD players for 68.00. Past the All in One Printers for 39.00 (which is cheaper than the ink). Back to the automotive section where a palate wrapped in plastic sat surrounded by a group of people staring at it as if it just fell from space. I couldn't read where the end of the line was so I took my place next to this guy who had just moved here from New York. He told of a car dealer on Long Island who put in an add that he would take 1000.00 off any car in the lot for every inch it snowed on Thanksgiving Day. That year it snowed 12 inches and there was a run on the lot. He was forced to honor the add, sold his stock, and probably went and jumped off a bridge somewhere. Either way, it was an entertaining story and diverted our attention from the clock as well as how close I had inched toward the stack of goodies. The store manager's voice echoed throughout the store warning everyone to be civil and respect their fellow man, and then announced that it was 5am. I figured all heck would break loose, but to my everlasting surprise, in our corner of the store things were pretty tame. I didn't get near the electronics so whatever commotion or rioting broke out there, we were not a part of it. It was kind of like being in Baghdad. Some parts are safe, in others you take a substantial risk. We got our stuff, were the first ones to the check out line, and went home. Well it's Christmas time and nothing says, "Happy birthday, Jesus" like a riot at WalMart. Ahhh I love this time of year.

In response to inquiries as to the events of our last Sunday, I offer the following:

Sunday was a nice day as last days go. Worship service was intensely moving as Paul and the team led us in some of my favorites. At one point I sincerely felt what it must be like to witness your own funeral. Everything was ‘bill’s favorite’ this and that. It was an awkward but kind gesture and I truly appreciated it. He’s a fabulous worship leader, an excellent communicator, and though we haven’t always seen eye to eye, he has been a solid support to me and has been a pleasure to work with. Angela (Thomison) Jones had made a request to sing on my last day and I was thrilled to agree to it. She’ll likely never know how glad I was that she sang because, in a rare twist, I was not anxious to start preaching. Which is probably why I didn’t. When I stood behind the pulpit.....I felt somewhat overwhelmed at the gravity of the moment.
I recalled the afternoon when Mark and Slim and I were up at the church before the first service in the new sanctuary. We were hooking up the sound system and putting it through it’s paces. Rather than sit there and say ‘test’ for fifteen minutes, I quoted some scripture. This past Sunday, I started to do the same thing. For some reason, my prepared sermon seemed to fall far short of what the moment called for so rather than rely on my words, I went to the Scriptures. I don’t know how much I quoted or how long it lasted but after it was all said and done I had Mark, the elders, and deacons step to the edge of the stage and led the congregation in a prayer of blessing for him and his family. We finished it up with the whole church reciting the Lord’s Prayer during which I stepped down and swapped out the microphone with Mark who, without missing a beat, stepped behind the pulpit and finished it out. We went to the annual Thanksgiving dinner at the church that night. Entirely on their own, three youth group members put together a simple but hilarious human video about the ‘preacher man’. CWC truly has some thoughtful and wonderful teens and I really appreciate them. We stood in line, ate some good food, chatted with some good folks, and called it a night. No fanfare, no speeches, no sentiment, no matter, just done. When I arrived here in 1993 our first exposure to the people of CWC was over a meal. Appropriately enough, my tenure in ministry here ended with the same simplicity with which it began.
I woke up Monday morning, sat in my chair with my Bible, and something felt different. I’ve become so accustomed to studying for the sake of the message that I realized that I’ll have to get used to studying for the sake of study. I prayed for Mark, realizing that his study habits would be taking a shift too. I loaded the family up late in the morning and we headed up to the church where my kids helped me clean out my office. A final glance through the records displayed a good number of weddings and a greater number of baby dedications, one often being the result of the other. I realized that some of those I had dedicated were now old enough to have an intelligent conversation with. Some of them think my first name is Pastor and my last name is Bill. When I recently visited my buddy, Caleb Iversen (and his parents), at their new home in Phoenix, I was reminded that to him, this is who I will always be. When the Buford kids (every one of them beautiful) say “Pastor Bill, pick me up! Hold me!” I dare you not to. Those hugs are real. When Riley says in her broken 2 year old vocabulary, “I love you, Pastor Bill” it’s pure indescribable joy. Whatever love I have left in me, those kids have had a way of finding it.
When the office was finally empty, I stood in the doorway and scanned the shelves and walls, turned the lights off, and walked out. I found my son in the sanctuary, alone in the dark. “Ready to go?”, I said. He didn’t answer. After some silence he began to list all of the things he had helped me work on when we were building the church. The lifts, the framing, the smell of sawdust, the late nights. Finally I say, “It’s time to go?” No longer a question, it’s now a statement that I have come to accept as truth. I can see this is all beginning to sink in for him. This is the only church family he’s ever known and it’s all changing. I’m tempted to bring the whole family into the church and up to the altar to have a moment of prayer alone before we leave. I had, over the years, had an unwritten custom of praying over folks up at the altar when they were facing a transition. The thought of praying over ourselves was a little odd. So I decided to break with tradition, dispense with the self blessing, and call it a day. With that, it was over. A decade of ministry come and gone. What did I like best? It’s a toss up between preaching the word, Joan’s weekly hug, and Mom Reece’s éclairs. What would I do different next time? I may spend the next 10 years answering that question.

Tonight I sit in Orlando Intl airport amidst the clamoring throng heading to God knows where for Thanksgiving. Hard to believe people will go to this much trouble to eat turkey. I know that's not what it's all about. We also have the need to fulfill an obligation to 'see' some folks who for some reason need to be seen. "You need to come over and see so and so..." So we go over and have the customary viewing. A couple of smiles, hugs, and how are you's and we look around for the food. Why do I need to see them? We don't speak beyond the basic surface of things. We gather because family worries us. They know too much about us. We get to take a hayride on the gossip wagon about who's getting divorced, who's getting married, who's died, who is sick, and who is pregnant. God help you if you don't show up because then you get to be the center of attention, and it won't likely be positive. Unless you're dead. Maybe that's why people still show up. Because they don't want to be the one that everyone talks about. I think the purpose for the occasional viewing is simply to make sure we're all still cool and that nobody is itching to sell our soul to the National Enquirer. All families have their share of eccentrics. I'm the resident religious nut (preacher) which simply means that I get to pray anytime someone needs to eat or has the gout. Watch your purse cause cousin Clem has a hankering to steal to support his skoal habit. Did you know cousin Cecil is illegitimate? That's why his forehead looks that way. Did you know that aunt Eula is datin a guy who goes by the name of Babycakes? What about cousin Elsie? Did you know she's drunk everyday by 10am and she teaches second grade. Here's one that's real. "My wife left me. A week later I met my new wife. Now my ex comes over every day to do the laundry. We call her the oldest daughter. The other day we had the annual 'Squirrel Stew' and..." Wait a sec, I say to my uncle who is named after a certain alcoholic beverage. What in the name of bib overalls is that? "What? You mean to tell me you've never eaten squirrel? Fer sure you gotta round up a mess of em to fill a ladle but, dang, they're good eatin." All in all, God bless family. Who needs to watch strange folks on reality TV? You simply have to head home for the holidays to get the real thing. When it comes down to it, they bring a little color to your world. The food is always hot, the hugs are pretty genuine, the stories are entertaining, and hey, somebody's gotta be there to talk about you when you're gone. Happy Thanksgiving.

Peter speaks of Paul's writings as "...in which are some things hard to be understood..." (2 Peter 3:16) I don't understand more than I understood 5 years ago. The more I know I don't understand, the less I realize I understand the things I previously thought I understood. If I now begin to understand a thing, will I realize that I, in fact, didn't understand what I now claim to understand? Even the things that were easily understood are beyond understanding to me in that I thought I clearly understood what I now believe I don't understand. In all this, I realize that I am less understanding all around. Though this currently makes sense to my mind, I must realize that one day I will look back on this writing and realize that I don't understand what in the world I was talking about. Fortunately, when I read the following, I don't feel so bad. Job 36:26 (NIV) How great is God, beyond our understanding!

I’ve seen some magical and interesting sights this year. The Amish WalMart of Lancaster County, the 911 memorial service in Princeton town square, the fall colors of McKenzie Pass in Oregon’s Cascade Range, the pastel shacks of Juarez, the Malibu coastline, the foundation room at LA’s House of Blues, Baltimore harbor at dusk, and this week I’ve got another incredible moment to add to the list. I wandered out into the desert outside of Tucson and came across the ‘boneyard’. That’s the local name for an immense portion of the desert set aside as a place where old airplanes go to die. The thousands of rusted aircraft stretch as far as the eye can see and I have to say, it’s an eerie sight. With the dust and desert all around and the jagged mountains in the background, it’s enough to make you start talking to yourself. “What in the world???” I say, as I park the car and get out. I walk to the high chain link fence and scan the horizon. The silence and stillness of the desert makes you feel as though even God has forgotten about this place. Certainly man has discarded some amazing creations here. Every kind of plane you can imagine looms over the flat ground as cactus and tumbleweed seem to be the only life around to watch over the ghostly craft that once glided proudly high above this dusty desert floor. It’s a strange situation I guess. They’re too valuable to destroy and too worn to fly again. Why does this strike me as sad and moving? Perhaps because each of these represents a colossal undertaking by many people who devoted amazing amounts of time and effort bringing just one of them off of the assembly line only to be sold to a buyer for millions of dollars. Some of man’s finest achievements in science and technology now sitting forgotten and silent. I wonder how many other achievements of man will end up this way? Perhaps it’s not only the bad things that end up in the sea of forgetfulness. We humans tend to throw pretty much everything there, except for the things that other’s have done to wrong us. We’re pretty much the opposite of God in that respect. He forgets the bad and remembers the good. We forget most everything except for the bad. We’ve got a lot to learn.

Scent is an amazing memory trigger. I got off the plane in Seattle/Tacoma and met with the unique odor of the northwest. A couple of deep breaths later and the pictures in my mind started rolling. My mom grew up around here where my grandfather was a bivocational pastor/oyster schucker and my great grandfather ran a large greenhouse in Tacoma, Pearsall Florists. They lived in a house at the bottom of McKinley Hill and the greenhouse stretched up the hill from there. A dirt road ran from cousin Ken's house at the top of the hill, past the Holiness campground, and down to the greenhouse. I would wake up early, fish around for some change, and head out the door barefoot through the field, stepping on slugs all the way (they have a corner market on the slug population here) to the railroad tracks. I would return a short time later with a pocket full of flattened pennies. I still can taste grandma's traditional breakfast of cornflakes and heavy cream with a side of thick bacon. Blackberry preserves and deserts were a constant since the house was surrounded and nearly overtaken with blackberry bushes. Dad would go out with a huge bowl and come back with scratched up arms, a massive smile, and a haul of the biggest blackberries you've ever seen. Evenings would be spent watching Flipper while grandpa sat in his easy chair. Today, the greenhouse is gone, grandpa's house leveled to make way for a subdivision, and the field of slugs has been replaced by a road. I stood there yesterday and realized that it would forever be impossible to go back there again. But I had to smile when I noticed that back in the corner of this new neighborhood, there were some thick wild blackberry bushes that would never die. It's amazing how things come and go and are remembered by some and forgotten by most. This post may be fascinating to me and two other people, but it's what's on my mind today, and at this point in my life, memories like this mean a lot.

I’m heading out of the blessed journey through this epistemilogical creature known as vocational ministry. Plainly put, I resigned as pastor of Calvary Worship Center. I came to CWC in 1993, fresh out of college with a pregnant wife and the promise of a volunteer position as a children’s minister in a church with few children. I was hoping to get into youth (teen) ministry but here, I was going to have to deal with people a bit smaller to start with. We were ready to give birth to some dreams (as well as a child) and we were excited beyond words. The fact that we were going to be able to devote our lives to nurture a Christlike nature in those kids as well as ourselves was a gift from God. We moved into the converted garage of some wonderful people in the hill country and I got a job at Mr. Gatti’s making 4.75 an hour. The church had an ambitious 30 something pastor, Randy Feldschau, who preached to 40 like he was preaching to 4,000. He was an amazing communicator. Rounding out the staff was, minister of evangelism, Tom Winslow. A tall ‘seasoned’ man with snow white hair and the friendliest eyes God ever made. Our first youth service happened more than 6 months after we first arrived. Six of the kids in children’s church were going into middle school in the fall of 94 which meant that we now had our youth group. Audrey, Melissa, Justin, Amy, Ashley, and DJ made up the very first youth service. Courtney, Josh, Joe, and many other characters would come along over the years. There were dozens of young people who came and went and I can say with confidence that every one of them made a lasting impression on me to the extent that I could write an entertaining blog entry about each one. I was honored to be a part of their lives and count that season as a personal high point. In July of 1998, Pastor Feldschau resigned. I assumed the role in November of that year. Since then, we have seen this church through weddings and funerals, an all consuming construction project, economic famine and feast, staff additions and subtractions, and various ministerial projects. People have asked me some pointed and sentimental questions in the past few days, forcing me to recall things I have long forgotten. All those dreams that we had of an idealistic sacrificial existence that would display God’s love to the hurting, demonstrate His power to the broken, and teach His ways to the learning, have all but disappeared. Perhaps one day God will see fit to raise them up again. For now, I’m content to have been a part of something bigger than myself. This entry does no justice to the past 12 years. There’s just too much to recount. So for now, I’ll just say here’s to the close of this chapter in my life. Goodbye and goodnight.

I have a beef to pick with Wal Mart. In PA, they're giving away free gas. But not to everyone. No, in a move of blatant discrimination, they have chosen to fuel only a certain vehicle. And I caught it on camera. No kidding.
Take a look at this picture. I took this one around Lancaster, PA. I know, it's just a Wal Mart. But look closely to the right of the photo. Yes, that's a horse and buggy. Apparently the Amish dig the Wal Mart so much that they have given them their own covered parking space complete with hay for the horses. Now, I tell you, with the price of gas these days it seems like there could be a merger of ideals here. I propose a post modern Amish style mode of transportation. Why can't we still have the horse pulling a, ahem,,, new style of buggy. AC/sound system/Leather interior... The list goes on. The best thing? The autopilot feature. Can you point your car in the direction of home and turn around for some face to face family interaction? Drunk driving would become a thing of the past. Think of it. . When's the last time your car ate our of your hand, or bit you when your back was turned? Do you pet your car? That's a whole other level of interactive. And the cost??? Grass and water, friends. It's the ultimate environmentally friendly fuel. Gasoline simply burns off. You pay three bucks a gallon for something that goes up in flames. What about the buggy? Does your Mercedes give you free fertilizer out of the tailpipe? I don't think so. I think I'm onto something here.

If you're going to fly into a city at night, there's no more entertaining than Vegas baby. I have a layover here so while waiting for my red eye to board, I decided to do some people watching. Here's what I see. The round terminal is lively with gamblers who are crowding the slots in the center of the floor. Rubberneckers are hanging around and this one youngster (maybe 20) seems to be looking for a pocket to pick. He's definitely got his choice but they're probably pretty empty by now. To the right, a girl, short and thin, maybe 18, yellow tshirt, cut off jean shorts, tennis shoes, no socks, dyed black hair, lower lip pierced, heavy on the eyeliner, is sprawled out on the seats. A large, curly red haired man, mid 40s, 48 hr beard, khaki shirt untucked with sweat stains in the pits, sleeves rolled up, sloppy, holding a half full beer, (not his first of the night), has set down across from her. The pick up lines are flowing now. She's trying to look disinterested. He's not taking no for an answer. She sits up and puts her knees together, pulls her feet up, toes touching the floor, clasped hands in her lap. She looks over her shoulder and yawns. He's finally beginning to get the hint. He gets up and walks away. She watches him go out of the corner of her eye, leans on her hand, and seems to breath a sigh of relief. For every person smiling in here, there looks like two or three who look like "Lost Wages, Nevada" got the best of them. I don't have any desire to gamble. Probably because I don't have any cash tonight. A young man, early 20's, is sitting at a Wheel of Fortune machine. Whatever happened, it must have been good, because it made a lot of noise and now he's pumping both fists in the air and lets out a 'woo hoo' big enough to get the attention of the 300 or so people sitting around here. Now here's the part I don't get. He's still sitting there. I mean, if he just won a small fortune, or at least enough to buy a decent meal, why is he still there? Isn't that the point? To play until you win, and then take your winnings and go have a blast? Oh wait, that's right. The blast is to play some more, which he's obviously doing. So you play to win, and when you win, you can play so you can win so you can play so you can... Sometimes sin looks like a sweaty, overweight, drunken, pervert. Most of the time though it's packaged in a clean looking wrapper with bells and whistles flashing. Fun and addictive. Behind me through the large windows I can see the strip. The pyramid shaped Luxor is a stand out with a massive beam of light shooting straight up and disappearing in to the night sky like a giant flashlight designed to search the universe for any sign of God. Either they're hoping to find Him or keeping an eye out just in case He shows up. Just like the rest of us. There's my reflection on the night. They're boarding my flight. I'm glad to be going home.

I want to be a rally car driver when I grow up. I figured this out yesterday evening when I was precariously navigating my rented Hyundai down McKenzie Pass in Oregon's Cascade Mountain Range. Hugging the edge and leaning with the car around each hairpin turn, I found myself laughing out loud. No 90 second rollercoaster ride could compare to 40 miles of this.
I'm often so disappointed in my travels whenever I encounter something beautiful or wonderful because my family isn't always there to share the experience. This time, however, I was glad I was alone. I could feel Traci's fingernails digging into my arm and hear her voice saying, "For the love of God and the sake of your offspring, slow down!" Ok, maybe not in those words, but you get the idea. (When she reads this, I'll get chewed out fro sure.) The road eventually straightened out and then I got the chance to really look at the fall colors of vivid yellow and red. The forest looked to be on fire with this near fluorescent hue of yellow weaving throughout the green pines. This is a beauty that makes Texas look like Afghanistan. With the window down the smell of fresh cool mountain air filled the car. In this country, those pine scented air fresheners are a pointless accessory. The wooden covered bridges spanning the rushing river added to the ambience of a wilderness where one fully expects an elk to wander onto the highway.
I have a difficult service coming up at church this weekend. This stress buster was a true gift from God, and I am grateful. Being Wednesday night around 7pm, I came upon a little church where the service was just about to begin. I stepped in and listened to the hymns, sat in on a study in the book of Daniel, and met Mr. Snyder. Mr. Snyder was 86 and one of the most fascinating people I've ever seen. He was a sharp, muscular, lumberjack who looked nothing like his age. He had worked the woods felling trees the old fashioned way. He loved the woods and spoke of men clearing out the dead timber in such a way that you wouldn't even know they had been there. He spoke of watching trees as tall as a skyscraper and 14 around come tumbling down with care and precision. He told of his sadness when he watches the lumber trucks come down the highway with 'twigs' instead of the massive timber he used to see. He laughs and his wide smile shines in his eyes as he talks of having to go home to shoo the elk off his back porch. The pastor, a Mr. Boyd, is a hunter and talks of doe season opening up soon. I stand in the circle, a welcomed foreigner, and I'm fascinated. Pastor Boyd prayed with me before I left, and I wandered out into the parking lot surrounded by the darkness of the woods and the cold air, yet feeling very light and warm within.

In my nomadic missionary childhood I visited some cool places. One of my favorites was Old Tucson, a mock old west town outside of Tucson, AZ, used as a movie set. While I was fascinated by many places in the world, I was, at heart, an American boy. What better epitomizes the American boy than the wild west? This place captured it in all of it’s glorious spur clinking, ideological detail. John Wayne walked these streets and to some folks that makes this place about as holy as Jerusalem. You can just hear that dusty drawl utter sentences that would make the outlaw wish he had a change of underwear. Of course now I know that when they yelled, “CUT!” Mr. Wayne grabbed his bottle of fizzy water and headed over to his trailer for a rubdown. Such is Hollywood. But when I was a kid, I didn’t care what famous muckity muck shot a movie here. I loaded my toy peacemaker with deadly plastic bullets, twirled it around a couple of times, and dropped it in my plastic holster. I cinched up the string on my blood red hat, and adjusted my blue bandana. My imagination wandered and before I knew it I was Wild Bill, standing in the middle of a dusty street, eyebrows gathered as my furrowed forehead pointed my imaginary enemy to make intense eye contact with his worst nightmare. Heart beating, sweat beading, I was only too sure that while he was fast, I was faster. There’s only two kinds of cowboy out here in the old west, the quick and the... “Biiiilllllllllyyyyyyy!” Mom’s voice broke my concentration. “We’re going to the pony rides and after that, we’ll get ice cream.” Was she kidding? Cowboys who trade lead with murderous horse thieves don’t go on pony rides. The attendant lifts me onto the back of ‘Lightning’. Mom and Dad watched while I was led around on the yard, at least that’s what they saw. In my mind, I was in full gallop on the back of a stallion, arrows whizzing past my head. The horse winces as an arrow pierces it’s left flank. It’s stuck fast, but ol Lightning isn’t gonna slow up and let his faithful friend lose his scalp, no sireee. I turn and empty my six shooter... “Ride’s over, kid.” says the attendant. What’s with these people? Right when it’s getting good. Adults just don’t understand that when you’re in the zone, you can’t just call the ride to a halt, have a potty break, or go get ice cream cones. Wait. Ice cream cones sound pretty good. “Hey Mom, wait up!”
So here I sit, 24 years later, in the parking lot of Old Tucson. It’s closed now. I got here a little too late. It just doesn’t feel quite right to drive all the way out here, and simply drive away. So I guess I’ll sit here and do some reminiscing for awhile. Wait a minute. An attendant just opened a gate. I have a hankering to be my dad for a sec and go ask him if I can just take a quick look around. After all, what do I have to lose? What would Wild Bill do? I’m getting out of the car...

I flew into Phoenix Sunday evening and headed for Flagstaff. The sun was setting and painted the desert a vivid orange which was set against the purple hue on the clouds and made you feel as though you were driving through a Navajo sand painting. The drums from Rich Mullins song, I See You, pounded through the sound system of the rental car and made an excellent soundtrack. The sun set quickly and I drove the rest of the way to Flagstaff in the dark. I was sure I was missing some amazing scenery and my thoughts were confirmed when I drove back on Monday evening. I was thrilled to get to see Sedona and the beautiful and rugged sights on the way. It made me think of those who travel this life in spiritual darkness. They have no idea what they're missing until the truth is illuminated all around them. Yet the most tragic thing is not those who travel through darkness due to ignorance, but those to whom the Truth has been illuminated who, in definace choose to close their eyes and, doing so, miss the joy in the journey.