God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea. Psalm 46:1-2.

Thanksgiving day, 2004. Actually a more appropriate name for this day would be “Will of God Day”. Ever wonder, with longing in your soul, what in the world (or beyond) is God’s will for you? Whenever you get confused about this think of the verse that says “In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” This may be the one day of the year that more people are doing God’s will than any other. I know there are the high thinkers who claim that God’s will is being done nomatter what since we don’t really have free will at all. (Like the fight you had with your wife or the way you beat your kid the other night or the way you hit on that married waitress after your fourth beer wasn’t really you. No it was actually God that cursed at your daughter and got you addicted to internet porn. You were just an unwitting pawn in God’s grand game of Sovereignty Solitaire. Ok, whatever.) Jesus emphatically said that we ought to pray that “Your will be done on earth just as it is in Heaven.” If His will is that nobody would perish but that all would come to repentance and yet the Bible teaches that some (most, in fact) will actually perish, then we can correctly deduce that He has entrusted us with a certain level of responsibility to actually make a conscious decision to DO His will. (All the hyperCalvinists gasp at once) Sovereignty and responsibility are not opposing terms. Can we agree that God has made a sovereign choice to allow us the power and authority to choose to do His will? Then what is it that we’re supposed to do? In everything give thanks. So happy “Will of God” day. I hope you took some time to allow a spirit of gratitude to envelope your circumstances and swallow up your sorrow in a sparkling sea of bliss and joy. Ok, neither did I. But at least the turkey was good.

It's been quite a month (or more) since I last set down to the keyboard. I've been doing more thinking and praying than writing lately. What does it mean to 'be ready' in the last days? (2 Timothy 4:2) What is the extent of the authority of the believer? (2 Timothy 3) Can a Christian be demonized? (2 Cor. 2:11 - Seen a fair amount ot this lately...) How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? (Mr Owl says three. I disagree) I've got so much to write about and like the Thanksgiving dinner I'm going to partake of this week, I'll make sure the meat is done before I sink my teeth into it. So I'll continue to allow all of this revelation to marinate and cook thoroughly before I serve it up. Get your fork ready.

Consider the scars that life has left on you. John Lennon said that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. Every one of us has, like a circus performer, factory worker, or even a government employee, discovered that the wheels of living keep on turning even when you ask for a time out. For some, the brokenness within (and without) is a result of their persistent motion and unflinching force. In the play "The Angel That Troubled The Waters" Thornton Wilder wrote of a doctor who wants to be healed of his 'wounds' and the angel stops him and says no. The following exchange ensues.
"Without your wounds where would your power be? The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken in the wheels of living. In Love's service, only the wounded soldiers can serve."
Beautiful and amen. So keep your scars. Not as a sponge for synthetic sympathy to salve your selfish soul, but as a mark of authority to serve as Christ Himself served.

Stood outside of Applebees last night trying to get a glimpse of the red moon. When the clouds finally parted and let us take a look (like a bunch of American teenagers in Amsterdam) we ooooooed and aaaahhhhhed, and then went in for half price appetizers. What makes us look at the awesome and yawn? You know how the Grand Canyon is spectacular for about 10 minutes? There's wonder all around us (at least my kids say so) but somewhere along the way we tend to lose our ability to see it. I've come to believe that worship cannot exist without wonder. Lose one and the other goes with it. To regain your sense of wonder......study the common. The way leaves in a cottonwood tree make that amazing rain sound when they all clack together. The way a bird balances on a fence in the wind. The way the air feels after a rain. the way grass feels on bare feet. Wonder. It's a beautiful thing.

Mother Teresa was once asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” Her answer was simple, practical, profound, and true. She simply said, “Go home and love your family.”

I went to get a suit altered the other day and in doing so I began to wonder how long it had been since I had been able to fit into a pair of 34 x 34 slacks. Needless to say things have changed since college. I was internally furious with myself. After all, my uncles, all over 50, could easily outrun, outhike, and outexcercise me and can all fit into my old 34s with room to spare. So I did my marathon training this morning. I ran my three miles (nonstop) this at 5:30AM with my brother, Brian. By ‘brother’ I mean the Christian euphemism for a ‘good friend’. The funny thing about running with someone is that you push each other on the outside when everything inside of you screams to QUIT NOW! You yell, “Cmon man, pick it up, you can do this…” Actually Brian is doing most of the spurring. I’m pretty much trying to get oxygen. There’s nothing on earth that I like and dislike more than getting up before sunup and running. It’s not the doing of the thing that holds the pleasure and pain but the completion of the task that carries the satisfaction. Certainly there is a joy in the journey and I have embraced the process but I’m motivated by the promise or the destination. Hebrews 11 gives a list of people who had embraced a process (most of them difficult) and were motivated by a promise. A promise that they would not ever see in their earthly lifetime. The destination was beyond good. Beyond great. Beyond physical limitation. Immersed in spiritual reality. It’s no wonder they were able to endure and achieve as a result of that endurance. I may run, motivated alone by getting back into the old 34s, but I’ll keep running if I can find a higher motivation. I may endure hardship on behalf of the Kingdom of God but only if I get a clear view of the eternal Glory of that Kingdom. Ask God for a fresh vision, a new motivation, but only if you purpose to use it to endure and embrace the process that will take you there.

A quiet Tuesday morning in Kenny's Coffee down Merrilltown road, I sit in a matte black leather chair, sipping the dried fringe of a chai from a recently full mug, listening to Dave Brubeck, typing on a mac, oh yeah... I'm starting out a fine week. The weather is earl grey overcast which makes me glad that I wore the long sleeves. I'll feel stupid this afternoon since the weatherdude said it should hit in the mid 90's later on. What does he know? In Austin you need a weather report for each square mile. Don't like the temp where you are? Move a bit to the right and, ahh that's better. I feel a need to wind down and catch my breath after the past month. Took a road trip to California to move a family out here to work at Calvary. A great friend and excellent brother named Paul Q Pek who has become our minister of music and arts. The guy could give lessons in passion to Bono, no kiddin. It's hard not to be enthralled with the otherness of the Glory of God when it's sung about in such a way. I'm thrilled to be working with Paul for this season in my life. It's one thing to look back on things with fondness. It's quite another to be fond of where you currently are. I am. Quite. If I have one complaint these days... Hmmm, I have none. Well I'll be. Now that's how you start a fine week. (On a side note, hello to my good friend, Audrey, who's nursing sick hearts back to wholeness in Baltimore. Our prayers are with you every day. We miss you.)

What two words in my native tongue can incite such unbridled laughter to the fortunate few who have tasted of the nectar of nonsense? Napoleon Dynamite. Rarely have I seen the same movie twice in three days and laughed harder the second time. Clean, (we took our seven and ten year old) and incredibly raunch free, it's simply the most enjoyable film I've seen all year. I was surrounded, in the theater, by a crowd of people who had seen this thing enough times to be able to quote it and still they were struck with epileptic fits of giddiness. In the wacky vein of the Coens or Waters, Nap D was shot in 22 days for a budget of less than a million and there is nere a computer effect in sight, even in the opening credits. Raw, refreshing, and unrelenting in an early 80's onslaught of geek fashion, music, and hilarious frustration. You know how there are nine or ten good lines in a decent comedy that you quote amonst friends for years to come? In this movie there are no less than 50 of those kind of lines. But you can't quote them for people who haven't seen the film because by themselves, from anyone elses mouth, they just aren't that funny. "Gosh!" "Whatever I want to do!" "Are you gonna eat your tots?" "Are you drinking 1 percent because you think you're fat?" "I worked for three hours on the shading of your upper lip." "The defect in this one is bleach. Yesssss." "I can't fit my nunchucks in my locker." "Vote for Pedro." "...our underwater ally." "That one looks like a medieval warrior." "You got like three feet of air that time." "Do the chickens have large talons?" "I will build a cake for her." "Sweet!!!" "It tastes like this cow got into an onion patch. Yessssss." "My lips hurt really bad." "Vote for me and all of your wildest dreams will come true." "It's a Liger." "Pedro offers you his protection." "Lucky!"
And the dancing, oh the dancing.

The age of 12-15 is a Minnesota thunderstorm, the thought of which makes me want to run for cover. But if I had it to live over again I would but I don't think I would change much. Those were good times. In Lake Benton I had a measure of freedom that I can't give to my own children in this city we live in. And that's a sad state of affairs. For it's in the ability to go wrong that you find whether or not you posess the fortitude to go right. For me that was a good thing because I had some good training by a couple of great parents. I wonder if, in the same situations, would my own children choose wisely? Anyhow, I had a great friend by the name of Zoe Peterson. A firecracker of a girl with a hard right hook to go with her sensitive feminine self. She lived on the edge of town which meant that she had things us city kids didn't have. Horses, a pet racoon, and a fourwheeler. Ahhhh the fourwheeler. It came out of the box clean and was never that way again. The sign (no fourwheelers) that's posted in the park across the street is there today as a memorial to our destructive driving skills. We had some spectacular mishaps and are fortunate to be intact today. Riding back to the Peterson house one day covered in mud from head to toe and too tired to laugh, I had a realization. That danger and fun and risk and pleasure and terror and ecstasy are hard to separate. Often you find one surgically connected to the other. The older I get the more I realize that I'm avoiding the risks, the terror, the danger, and I think this is wisdom. At least common sense tells me to be 'safe'. So we do one of two things. We learn to enjoy those things that made adults seem so boring when we were kids, like sitting around the living room to visit. Or talking to the cat. Or doing crossword puzzles. Or reading the obituary page. Or planting a garden. Or sitting on the toilet with a readers digest til your thighs go numb. Engage in these things and you're likely to never know the sting of having stitches removed again. Unless your cat is like mine and doesn't enjoy casual conversation...
I think, as with most things, that balance is the key. Like Zoe's hard right hook balancing out her sensitive side, we need balanced growth. Don't grow elderly in the process of growing old. Remember the thunderstorm of youth and, instead of running for cover, dance in the rain. At least it'll help your circulation.

Lake Benton, Minnesota. The name means nothing except to me, some old residents, and the 703 people who currently call the community 'home'. It was my home, but it's been awhile. Crossing over the windy plains of Buffalo Ridge travelling west, it surprises a smile on your face when your road suddenly drops and winds through the trees into one of the most peaceful valley towns you ever saw. As you descend, the trees draw back like a curtain to reveal the lake to the left and to the right, the steep roofs of the houses, churches, and buildings just peek through the leafy blanket of green that covers them. To the right is a small ski resort that boasts an old rope tow to the top of a hill that, in the summer, makes room for brave youngsters to roll and run down though the soft bermuda grass. We have dinner at the Country House, where the recipe for French Onion soup, thankfully hasn't changed. I went to school with Julie, our waitress. We catch up briefly yet affectionately. Last I saw her, 16 years ago, she was smiling. Still is. It's hard not to smile around here. Tonight a group of locals makes up the cast of the play, 'Annie' which will draw sell out crowds into the 100 year old opera house. This town is not dead, neither is it dying. It's as alive as Andy Griffith reruns on cable and every bit as familiar. You feel like you've been here before and that you could stand to be here longer than you plan to stay. The play is excellent. Not just a decent bit of community theater. It's good enough to make you glad you left the TV off tonight. These players will go back to family, farms, fields, a mere diversion from the normality of growning corn and soybeans. I take my kids to the park behind my old house. The park I used to play in. The park that still has a merry go round and those dangerous metal jungle gyms in the shape of a dome. No rubbermaid playgroud equipment here. I got the wind knocked out of me on this merry go round at the age of 9. More than once as I recall. I can still hear mom's alto voice climbing the entire musical scale saying the phrase, "Billlllllyyyy, time for supppeeerrrrrrr!" I hated it then. I love its memory now. I went to the school where I found the back door cracked open. I reach for the handle and the door jars open without my help. I step back and look up at Bob, the janitor. "It's been a long time." I say. I say that alot around here. He says, "Henry's boy." Can I look around? (It's good to see him) Sure. I lead my children straight to the 5th grade classroom. (The school runs 1st grade through 12th grade) This was Mrs Haugen's room. Affectionately known as Mrs. H, there was never a better teacher in any school anywhere. The desks are the same. The smell is the same. The marks I made in the wood are still there. (My inner artist trying to express himself) The hall seems smaller. Everything seems smaller.
Back outside, we wander to the old house. The current owners, the Carpenters, are not only glad to see me, but offer ice cream cones to my kids while I look around. Again, everything looks smaller. The house, built in the late 1800s is still solid enough to hold out the biting cold of winter. I walk up the oak staircase to my room. The floor still creaks in the same places. Every solid wood door has a real key hole. I wonder what my current house will look like in 100 years. I laugh. This is the stage upon which played out many a scene that taught me many lessons. Some of the following stories are totally true. Some are as true as I remember them to be. Like I said, It's been awhile.

(Stories about life in Lake Benton will appear after this date, not literally 'below')

I'm on vacation in Minnesota/South Dakota. I think the high is around 72 today.

I don't often (ok, ever) put anyone else's writings on my weblog. After all, it's mine, said the seagull from finding Nemo. Let them get their own stinking blog and put their own fuzzy, black and white, cheezy, contemplative photo on it. I'll make an exception today for my friend, Lee Fruh. (pronounced 'free') I got this from him and thought it was wonderful enough to share. Lee helps out orphaned children in Equador and is a champion for their cause. In addition, he is a fellow underground writer with wonderful wit and wisdom. Enjoy.

The Feather
by Lee Fruh

When news hit that the author of Forrest Gump was moving in across the street, I was elated. I, after all, am an aspiring writer. Winston Groom and I would become fast friends. We would walk together in the Alabama afternoons and wax literary—creative kindred spirits, he and I.

I imagined our relationship coming to a place of great mutual benefit. He would call me in the wee hours. “Lee,” he would say with panicked voice, “The deadline for my sequel to Forrest Gump is tomorrow. I’m almost through with it, but I can’t come up with an enduing. I knew I could turn to you for inspiration.” And out of great appreciation for my priceless input, he would connect me with his friends in the publishing business.

None of this happened. Mr. Groom keeps to himself. In fact the closest I have ever come to him is watching him in a TV commercial for shrimp.

I’m afraid of him, now: afraid that he’ll think of me as one of those writer wannabes who always hangs around hoping to hitch a ride to recognition and success on his coattail. And I’m paranoid that he thinks I stare out of my window into his office, looking over his shoulder as he writes. (This is absolutely not true. It is impossible to see what he is writing—even with the use of my binoculars, because there is a large hanging plant that blocks his computer screen from my line of sight.)

So I leave Winston Groom alone.

But the feather finally got to me. You know what I mean? The feather that floats away from Forrest Gump at the bus stop in the beginning of the movie and drifts down beside him at the end when he is standing by Jenny’s grave. For years, I have theorized about the meaning of that feather. Finally I had to know. So I summoned my courage, faced Mr. Groom’s house with great determination… and brazenly sent Tori, our youngest, across the street to ask him. Meanwhile, I hid inside my house.

Five minutes later, Tori returned with the answer. The feather is none other than Jenny’s spirit drifting along through Forrest’s life, watching over him, making sure he is okay.

Well I hate to disagree with Mr. Groom, especially since he wrote the story. But he’s wrong. The feather isn’t Jenny’s spirit. It’s God’s grace.

Forrest was a disadvantaged boy: he had a curvature in his spine which required him to wear leg-braces. He was intellectually challenged as well. And yet, grace prevailed. Everything that happened to him in his life made him a better person.

I know the feather is God’s grace because there’s been a feather just like it drifting over my life all these years. I, like Forrest am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I, like Forrest have experienced loss and misfortune. I have been through battles and wars. But something has always helped me; something has always caused me to come out on top. Not my skill or intellect. Something outside of me, watching over me, gradually but persistently guiding me to a better place.

Forrest Gump is just a story written by the guy across the street. But there is something in it that rings true; something about it that touches a longing in our soul. It’s a longing to know that Someone is watching, guiding us through the perils of life. We all want a feather. The great news is that to know God, to have an intimate relationship with Him is to have the feather.

There is a little 9-year-old boy growing up in an Ecuadorian ghetto who needs to get this news. His story is not unlike Forrest Gump’s. His disadvantages are severe; his situation almost hopeless. He needs to know that Someone is looking out for him—Someone who wants to overshadow his life with goodness and mercy. God has a feather for him.

It’s good news. It’s not fiction—it’s the truth. And it’s why we do what we do. Thanks for helping us.

May the Feather be with you!

Consider Psalm 27. A moody piece of work, like the Psalmist said to his wife, "Hey dear. I'm writing a song here but I'm not getting anything. Could you do this?" She says, "Honey bunch, I'm having PMS." He says, "That's ok. It'll make it interesting." She says, "FINE, you lazy jerk. As if I don't have enough to do with ironing your robes and polishing your crown you sorry adulterous excuse for a king husband type guy." David spends the night on the couch and in the morning, voila, Psalm 27. Ok, this probably didn't happen. But for a guy, David is really riding the mood swing here. He begins with some beautiful praise and worship about how much confidence he has in God and about halfway through shifts to how much fear he has in himself. Verses 8 and 9 outline the journey of the believer and the trepidation that goes with it. Vs 8 "When you said, "Seek My face" my heart said unto You, "Your face I will seek". God draws us, we respond, the eternal quest begins. Vs 9 "Hide not your face far from me. Put not your servant away in anger." What are the two biggest fears that man has about having an encounter with God? None, if you're an overweight southern gospel singer waving a Bible in one hand and a fried chicken leg in the other. But if you're like the rest of us you might feel the same way the Psalmist did. Fear #1 - "Hide not your face far from me." Being ignored and rejected is a standard part of human to human relationships. Is it any wonder that we apply the same caution to a human/divine relationship. Though the promise of grace is plain as black ink on white paper within the imitation leather covers of your King James Version, we still get gun shy when it comes to approaching the One whom we claim as Lord. Don't fret. Even king David covered his bases in this area. Fear #2 - "Put not your servant away in anger." It's one thing for the Lord to pay attention to you. As if that wasn't enough, David wants to make sure that when God does pay attention that He's in a good mood. Knowing that the wrath of God is a reality, I don't want to be subjected to that either. Again, though I've read in the Scriptures that I'm not appointed to wrath, I've heard of friendly fire on the news and I want to trust that when God points a finger of judgement at evil, I don't want to be standing in the way by mistake. Proverbs 8:13 defines the fear (healthy) of the Lord. It says it's to hate evil. I guess if I'm doing this then I won't likely be in the wrong place at the wrong time in my relationship with God. With people though? That's another matter altogether. I guess it boils down to what God thinks of you and what man thinks of you and who you care about more.

Authority. The mere mention (or typing) of the word makes one cringe. Authority is lauded by those who have it and cursed by those who are subject to it yet it's God's way of keeping things decent and in order. You wanna know the biggest headache in the body of Christ? It's not those who don't do anything and it's not those who serve under authority. It's those who serve but not subject to authority. I used to shun titles and offices saying things like, "God is my authority. All are equal in grace for we are ALL kings and priests unto God. Therefore I'll serve Him as He directs and I don't need a title to do that." I had a hard time with people calling me 'pastor' and in some ways, I still do. Ultimately though that entire line of thinking was rooted in the rocky soil of pride. I was saying that I want the satisfaction of serving God without the responsibility. It's truly amazing how humiility and pride are often indistinguishable from one another. Though seemingly supported by Scripture, I realized that what I was saying was that to acknowledge an office meant that I was in subjection to authority and therefore had to 'submit' to it. Yet another word that makes me cringe. My anarchist nature dislikes anything that has the potential to abuse and since abuse is commonly associated with those in authority we tend to write off all authority as abusive with catch phrases like, "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely". The truth is that abuse cannot be abuse unless it is mistreatment from one in authority. A servant may harrass a master but we would call it insubortination. A master may harrass a servant but we would call it abuse. The treatment is the same but the position of the giver and receiver is what defines that treatment. Likewise the office is vital for it defines the limits of the authority. For example, if a nurse checks your prostate that's ok. But if your dentist checks your prostate that's another thing all together. The office and title defines the limits. So take care of your view of authority and those to whom it has been given for ultimately authority comes from God and in it's proper context, is a wonderful thing. Proverbs 29:2 says, "When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice, but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn." Furthermore an understanding of authority is a sign of strong faith. Matthew 8:9-10 tells the story of the centurion who asked Jesus to simply speak and the servant would be healed for he understood that when one with authority speaks, things happen. Jesus says in verse 10, "I have not found so great faith, not in all Israel." A gentile got it for he had a correct perspective of authority but those who had been abused for so long (Israel) by those in authority (Romans) were so hostile to it that their very perspective of Jesus Himself was wrong. Ultimately I have come to realize that Satan attacks authority relentlessly for authority is not for destruction but for edification of the body. In 2nd Corinthians 10:8 Paul writes, "...I should boast somewhat more of our authority, which the Lord has given us for edification, and not for your destruction..." Finally, operating under authority opens up God's blessing and protection for without that submission you're not even recognized. Acts 19:14 tells the story of the sons of Sceva who tried to cast out a demon and the demon says, "Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?" and proceeds to beat them senseless. Those who try to serve God apart from title, office, submission, and authority are often surprised that they aren't recognized. But without that you're about as effective for the kingdom as a mime in the dark. The Bible says, "Submit yourself to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you." If you want power and faith you have to get it from the only one qualified to give it and that is the One from whom all authority flows. Let it flow to and through you this week.

"If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema Maranatha." Two strange words appear in the KJV version of 1 Corinthians 16:22. Maranatha and Anathema. (Stick with this. It's a fruitful study.) First, Maranatha means 'come Lord' or 'the Lord has come' and was a common greeting among early believers as a constant reminder of the fact the Jesus came in the flesh and He's coming again. We may do well to greet each other in similar fashion in these last days. The other word, anathema, means 'set apart' or 'separated'. Strangely enough it's similar in definition to the word 'sanctified' or even 'holy'. By this time the word had taken on a negative tone and literally meant 'a curse'. In short, it was a bad thing. Now the kicker of this verse is not in these hard words here, but in the word 'love' at the beginning. There are a few Greek words for 'love' in play in the scriptures but the word here is not the common 'agape' that is used to signify divine love. It's the lesser 'phileo' which simply means 'tender affection'. The Bible says that in the last days the 'love' of many would grow cold. We often become so opposed to anything supposidly 'soulish' or 'emotional' that we buy into the error that says if you can turn your feelings off you'll achieve spiritual maturity. NOT SO! There is a holy place for a tender affection for Jesus Christ. God help us if we have allowed our tender affection for Christ to grow cold for in doing so we allow our tender affection for one another to follow. "How can we love God who we have not seen and not love our brother who we have seen?" Perhaps this is why it's so difficult for the world to know that we are Christians for the Bible says that "they'll know we are Christians by our love". There's much more to this study but for now, ask yourself this question. "Has my tender affection for Jesus Christ grown cold?"

Ran into a teenager in WalMart the other day who was wearing an xl black t-shirt sporting the line, "God Hates Me" on the front in large white letters. After an unfruitful chat (he was in the process of getting his ear pierced for the 5th or 6th time and wasn't in the mood to talk) I wandered out of the store sure I'd see him again. He happens to live in my neighborhood. I got to wondering how comfortable we would be (as Christians) wearing a shirt that says, "God Loves Me". We don't have any problem telling people that God/Jesus loves them. I do find, however, that many believers struggle with the concept that God's love is directed at them in particular. I don't think it's a pride issue. I believe it's an issue of personal unworthiness or at lease the perception of it. Others can be worthy and it's a comfort to proclaim that but when it comes to our own it just has a hard time taking hold. Maybe that's why Jesus was so insistent that we stick together in the body of Christ. That we may 'encourage one another' since many people have such difficulty following the mandate to 'build yourself up' in the most holy faith. Do I say that we ought to go around proclaiming God's love for us in a public display of childlike confidence? Yeah. It would probably do the world some good to see a message other than, "I believe this for you but I can't believe it for me so here, you take God's grace because I'm unworthy of it." False humility is an open wound on the church that needs about 3 good stitches. Here's number one. Psalm 57 "I will praise you among the nations" Gal. 2 "For I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me..." Phil 2 "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus..." I don't give the specific verse so you may be enticed to search the chapter for the passage and thereby also learn the value of context. I'm gonna give myself a little test here. God loves you. God loves me. I found the second phrase harder to type than the first. Even paused before the word 'me'. Looks like I need to meditate on this too.

Up to now I've been accustomed to people telling me that I'm waaay too young to be doing whatever it is that I'm doing. I've always been on the younger side of things in a world filled with the 'older and wiser'. Fine by me. The last thing I want to be perceived as is a 30 something know-it-all whippersnapper who has no respect for his elders. So the elders eld and the youth do their thing and then there's my new world. A crack in the chasm of the progression of time from birth to death. The strange period of time when you're still too young to be successful and too old to be cool. I've got a leg over the fence and I must tell you that sitting here is not comfortable. What makes me feel old? Hearing Van Halen on the classic rock station. Having a teenager say "Better put some sunscreen on that thinning spot on the back of your head." I have come to like eating at Luby's. Having someone hand you an xbox controller while saying, "Let the old guy play." The way the skin on my elbows seems to constantly need lotion. (According to my wife) Someone actually had the nerve to suggest that I get my prostate checked. I'm not playing any games of red rover, red rover, nurse says bend over. At least not anytime soon. Every time I buckle a seatbelt I feel old. I used to kick back in the floorboard, sit on the arm rest up front, or sleep in the back window. All while the car was doing the speed limit of 55mph. What makes me feel young? Not much. So this is 31. Hmmmm... Nice view. The sunset behind me is brilliant and the sunrise before me is cresting the horizon. Looks like a nice day coming and going.

As per yesterdays post, I've gotten some email about the video thing. Need a wedding or event videographer in Austin, TX? Hit the following link to get to my 'other' website. WilVan Productions
This site has some samples of videos we've done as well as a link to the best wedding photographer in Austin, Michelle Reed. I know, I know... A commercial is not becoming my weblog, but hey, in a year of posts this is a first so cut me some slack here.

I know, I know. I don't update this nearly enough. I lack a couple of things lately. Time and inspiration. They say the lamp of life burns longer than the lamp of inspiration. I don't know who 'they' are but that's what 'they' say. I guess that means that you'll hit some dry spots in your lifetime. Not that I've been suffering for the inabilty to quench my thirst in the river of creative juices. (disgusting visual there) I've been pouring all the energy I have into three major things. Sunday morning there's this series of messages that involve a twist on the old 'chalk talk' trend of the 50's. This involves paint and a canvas the size of a bedsheet. Actually it is a bedsheet. That's been fun, yet difficult. A stutter or stumble in a speech or sermon you can recover from. But one wrong line in a painting and suddenly John the Baptist looks like he didn't quite finish that last bite of locust. The whole effect is gone. So far I'm battin 1000 but I've got a few of these sermons to go so we'll see what happens. In all honesty, it's really a wonderful thing to be able to mix a unique piece of artwork with a unique piece of Gospel. The second thing I'm doing these days is videography. That's really a blast. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed that stuff. It's fast turning from a hobby into an outright passion. I may have a go at filming a movie here pretty quick. With some of the drivel I've seen lately, I don't think getting in the door will be that difficult. Take 'lost in translation'. What in the world??? "No, Mr. Murray. You don't have any lines. All you have to do is sit on the edge of this bed and stare blankly into the camera. No really. Critics will eat this up and we'll have a five star masterpiece on our hands." I put more thought into setting the temperature in the shower than they did with that cumbersome bore. The other thing I'm working on this summer is tweaking (my word for the day) the script for the LifeGuard Austin Character and Sexuality Program. This means a couple of months of pouring over statistics about Genital Warts, Herpes, the Clap, etc... Ever wonder why they called Gonorrhea 'the clap'? I guess it's because people are really happy when they get it. Kidding... Actually,(turns on Cliff Claven voice) Pelvic Inflamatory Disease (aka PID) also used to be called Chronic Lower Abdominal Pain, hence the term CLAP. At least that's what 'they' say. And far as I know, 'they' are always right.

Consider trust. It seems to take years to build trust but a day or two can take it down like a house of cards in a hurricane. This is a problem for us humans who are built with a need to trust someone in our world. We pick and choose, often poorly, people in which to place our treasure of trust. Eventually something or someone will invade our fortress of security and it explodes, implodes, or just plain disolves as if it were never there. Why is it so easy to isolate ourselves? Because we have found way to many people who have held too lightly with the trust that you have placed in them. What is it like to be on the other side though? To have many people place a trust in you and to carry that weight with arms too weak to hold it all? I would suggest that man was never meant to carry such a load, neither was he meant to place such a load upon another. What I mean is that there is no way that any man (or woman) will never ever ever ever let you down. So prepare for it without being paranoid by the inevitability of it. God has done this with the most immense treasure of all. The Gospel of the Kingdom. With His divine foreknowledge of the inevitable conclusion, He has still chosen to hand us His trust. With all the force of a hurricane, we tend to blow it apart. We fail family, church, work, ministry, and even God. GRACE! GRACE! GRACE! Grace to you who live in the shadow of the mountain of failure that you have built. Grace to you who have isolated yourselves from those who you once trusted. Grace to you who have destroyed the trust that many once placed in you. Grace to you who search with futility for fruit that has sprouted from seeds you planted in hard soil. Grace to you who have been misunderstood by those who claim to love you most. Grace to you who have forsaken the call for the witness that you lost in a moment of weakness. Grace to you all. God still trusts in you.

I've decided to share with you an online discussion I had recently with a supposed 'atheist'. We'll call him Roger. He came out fighting and threw some pretty stout punches. I'll leave it to you to determine the effectiveness of my replies. Put yourself in this situation. How would you reply? Without further ado...
The following transcript is an unedited, harsh, and illuminating trip into the mind of 'intelligent' atheism.

Roger's first reply to my first reply.
> Wow, you're jumping right into this with more enthusiasm than I am
> accustomed to! That's encouraging. Most theists I have encountered
> give up after just a few replies.
>
> On Apr 13, 2004, at 11:47 PM, Bill Vanderbush wrote:
I bet you've asked this of people before and likely have gotten the standard
cliché answers. I'll attempt to avoid that.

> Thanks, I appreciate your desire to give my questions genuine
> consideration.

bill - I speak for nobody but myself in this. I believe in God for the same reason
I believe in my wife. I have experienced the depth and reality of her
presence and her love. I can say the same for the presence and love
of God (Jesus Christ).

> I should probably let you know that I was raised as a fairly devout
> Christian, and have also experienced "God" through profound emotion.
> However, I no longer trust emotional justifications for belief, for
> reasons that may become clear as we continue.
>
bill - You know, man's chief argument against God is that the universe seems so
cruel and unjust. But how does one come upon the idea of just and unjust?
One can't call a line crooked unless he has some idea of what a straight line is. Where does one derive the idea of justice apart from intelligent universal design?

> I am surprised you decided to bring up the Problem of Evil so soon, as
> it is pretty harsh on theism.
>
> No matter how "evil" is defined, and no matter whether God exists or
> not, we can be certain that no being in existence is consistently
> willing and able to prevent, say, the rape of children -- because it
> happens! If God is not even able to give help to children when they
> need it most, then he is clearly irrelevant with respect to our daily
> lives. If God is able to get involved but choses not to, then he is
> either apathetic or downright malevolent. In no case is any proposed
> God worthy of our trust or respect, let alone our worship. As long as
> bad things continue to happen, it is rational to conclude that no
> loving, powerful God exists. Only irrelevant or untrustworthy deities
> are logically possible.
>
> As for the origins of human morality, I believe it derives from our
> nature as a social species. We are not only self-aware, but aware that
> others are self-aware. When bad things happen to others, we empathize
> with them. When an action is observed to have negative consequences,
> we remember that and avoid taking that action in the future. As "good"
> for one person is frequently "bad" for another, many moral positions
> cannot be absolute. Fortunately, with the advent of generalized
> language, we became capable of combining our collective experiences to
> balance our competing needs and produce complex social contracts with
> each other. So morality, at its core, is the result of subjective
> social consensus. Evidence of this lies in the observation that
> morality differs widely among cultures from different times and places.
> (To emphasize this point, I ask you to show me a verse in the Bible --
> just one will do -- that specifically condemns the sexual molestation
> of children!)
>
> We could also look at this from a purely philosophical perspective.
> Suppose a set of absolute moral positions exists. Each element of such
> a set either has a good reason behind it, or it doesn't. If there is
> no good reason for a moral position, there is no need to follow it,
> independent of who established the set. If there is a good reason for
> a moral position, that reason is sufficient to justify the position,
> independent of who established the set. In all cases, sound reasoning
> is equal or superior to any set of moral absolutes. So again, it is
> better to behave rationally than to believe in a moral God.
>
> I could support this conclusion empirically by going on about religious
> justifications for human atrocities throughout history, prison
> population statistics showing disproportionately few atheists, the
> relative success of secular governments vs. theocracies, and so on, but
> it may be sufficient to simply point out that theism is not necessary
> for good social behavior, and religion may actually cause more harm
> than good. (But... a solid education does improve social behavior!)
>
bill - Another question. If the whole universe has no meaning
then how did we find that out?
>
> But... we don't know whether or not the universe has any "meaning"
> external to itself. In principle, we may never be able to know. By
> definition, we can only observe that which is contained within the
> observable universe.
>
bill - ...You are asking questions. How is it that you
have discovered that there are questions to ask?
>
> Observation.
>
bill - Life is too complicated to be an accident and atheism is too simple to
be a solution.
>
> I am not entirely sure I understand what you are getting at here, but
> I'll take a stab at it anyway. Let me know if I am mistaken.
>
> Complex life is no "accident", but theism provides only a superficial
> illusion of a solution. Before we get sidetracked in a largely
> irrelevant origins debate (what matters is whether or not God is
> relevant here and now), I would like to summarize by saying, impersonal
> evolutionary processes are plenty capable of producing "intelligent
> designs", without need of an Intelligent Designer.
>
> "Atheism", by itself, is nothing more or less than a lack of belief in
> any gods. (Of all the gods proposed throughout human history, I lack
> belief in only one more than you do!) Certainly, we all have to
> develop or adopt some guiding philosophy to live by. You favor faith
> in God (and, presumably, the Bible), while I favor reason and
> observation.
>
bill - In keeping with the Socratic method, why should anyone not believe in
God?
>
> Concisely: truth matters, but theism is inherently irrational.
>
> -Roger
>

MY REPLY TO ROGER'S REPLY - April 14, 2004

Roger says...
"I should probably let you know that I was raised as a fairly devout Christian, and >have also experienced "God" through profound emotion. However, I no longer >trust emotional justifications for belief, for reasons that may become clear as we >continue."

bill says - I agree that emotional justification won't fly. However, I don’t think I mentioned emotion. I believe I used the word 'experience' which is far deeper. Where you experienced God through profound emotion, I have experienced God through profound contact. You'll just have to take my word on that one.

I've got a couple of things going on in my head here. On one hand, I have reason to believe that you're actually a genuine Christian with some time on your hands and a desire to test one (or perhaps many) who are pastoring. Hence your searching out a church website and requesting an audience with the resident 'teacher'. If so, I'm willing to go along with it as an exercise in apologetics. I say this because you're a well thought and intelligent writer. But anyone of reasonable intelligence and some theological savvy knows that atheism isn't for the intelligent. The best you can be is an agnostic. For you to be a true atheist you would have to prove that God does not exist which is impossible. So your belief is based upon something you cannot prove, just like mine. But to have faith enough to proclaim that there is no God is pretty major. In that respect, you have more faith than I do. Immense faith. Since, by your writing, I believe you to be intelligent, I'm not sure that I buy your story of atheistic profession.

On the other hand, assuming you're an actual atheist, you and I passed somewhere on the road to answering the grand question of reality and God. I was an unbeliever who became a believer. You were a believer who became an unbeliever. Correct? Scripture declares that those who believe have "passed from death to life". Could I then deduce that those who reject belief have passed from life to death? What good thing has your current system of belief bestowed upon you? Answers? Or perhaps more questions. The question of whether or not God exists is one that we won't answer in a lifetime of email. Faith in Him is the issue at hand and therein lies the problem. I can't grant you this. Only God can. As I said before, you have immense faith. It's just aimed in the direction of unbelief. If you're right, what have you gained? If I'm wrong, what have I lost?

There was a writer for the New Yorker (I think) awhile back who wrote about the fact that for the past decade, in NYC none of the buttons for the 'walk/don't walk' signs work. Everything is computerized. Yet thousands of people blindly push them daily. He wrote of the sadness that he felt at their blindness. More profound than that though was that he wrote of his envy for their 'blind faith', which he felt he had lost somewhere. The thing about this story that parallels our discussion is that I have staked my life on my foundation of faith. You have staked your life on your foundation of intellect and observation. No offense, but your head (and mine) is a pretty weak pedestal to stand one's life on. But the thing about this story that doesn't fit with our discussion is that, unlike the reporter's insider knowledge, you can't prove to me that God doesn't exist, just as I can't prove to you that He does. So we're at a gridlock of sorts. Which leads me to my next question.

What exactly do you want? A healthy dialog? A magic formula? A miracle?

Moving on to the issues...

Roger - "No matter how "evil" is defined, and no matter whether God exists or
> not, we can be certain that no being in existence is consistently
> willing and able to prevent, say, the rape of children -- because it
> happens! If God is not even able to give help to children when they
> need it most, then he is clearly irrelevant with respect to our daily
> lives. If God is able to get involved but choses not to, then he is
> either apathetic or downright malevolent. In no case is any proposed
> God worthy of our trust or respect, let alone our worship. As long as
> bad things continue to happen, it is rational to conclude that no
> loving, powerful God exists. Only irrelevant or untrustworthy deities
> are logically possible."

bill - Surely you must be joking. Atheists don't believe in evil or good, right and wrong, etc... (further making me wonder if my first assertion is correct)
Just as darkness is the absence of light, evil is the absence of good. Man's rejection of God is the core of evil. God's goodness is evident in His desire for relationship, not control. Hence the creation and purpose of you and I. I live in a world where some accept Him and some reject Him. His involvement in my life yet absence in yours doesn't negate your or my right to choose. Do you want a cosmic police officer who drops the hammer on every person who wrongs another? His trust in us to listen to His voice and respond appropriately is a staggering display of love. It's those who don't or won't listen who give the world such a moral headache. Not His perceived noninvolvement in our lives. Voila! A God that is both relevant and trustworthy.

Roger - "So morality, at its core, is the result of subjective
> social consensus. Evidence of this lies in the observation that
> morality differs widely among cultures from different times and places.
> (To emphasize this point, I ask you to show me a verse in the Bible --
> just one will do -- that specifically condemns the sexual molestation
> of children!)"

bill - There is no verse prohibiting Chinese water torture but most would agree that's wrong. Again, how did you get the idea that wrong even exists apart from God? Furthemore, Scripture is effective in it's outline of principles rather than specifics. I don't expect my son to put his hand in the lawnmower or push his sister down the stairs although I haven't specifically directed him to abstain from either activity. My instruction of the principle of personal stewardship and proper treatment of others suffices.

Roger - If there is
> no good reason for a moral position, there is no need to follow it,
> independent of who established the set. If there is a good reason for
> a moral position, that reason is sufficient to justify the position,
> independent of who established the set. In all cases, sound reasoning
> is equal or superior to any set of moral absolutes. So again, it is
> better to behave rationally than to believe in a moral God.

bill - Why must it be one or the other? How bout both?

Roger > I could support this conclusion empirically by going on about religious
> justifications for human atrocities throughout history, prison
> population statistics showing disproportionately few atheists, the
> relative success of secular governments vs. theocracies, and so on,

bill - Agreed on the first point [see below for further clarification]. Lost on the second. Unsure of your definition of success on the third.

Roger - theism is not necessary
> for good social behavior, and religion may actually cause more harm
> than good. (But... a solid education does improve social behavior!)

bill - Good point and I fully agree. Religion is a cancer and frankly is manmade. God never instituted religion. He has, in fact, initiated relationship. Also you're right in asserting that one does not have to believe in God in order to be nice to others. Scripture says that even satan and demons believe and tremble. Some professed Christians can't even say they do as much. Again, faith is the issue, and faith and belief are not exactly the same thing.
As for the solid education, what information is that based upon? Nazi Germany and the Roman empire were both built on a foundation of solid academic excellence. Great social behavior there. Nothing against education. You must take into account though the topic of the education, the bent of the educator, and the subject being educated.

Roger - Certainly, we all have to
> develop or adopt some guiding philosophy to live by. You favor faith
> in God (and, presumably, the Bible), while I favor reason and
> observation.

bill - I too favor reason and observation. Both of which have led me to where I am now. The difference, (and this is key) is that what I believe makes me what I am. You make what you believe.

Roger > Concisely: truth matters, but theism is inherently irrational.

bill - God never claims to be rational. In fact throughout the majority of Scripture He is quite the opposite. "His ways are past finding out"

I want to address each of your points and will, as time allows.

Unfortunately, I've just run out for the moment.

bill

"If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." Scripture is so encouraging that way. My translation? "Hey there loser. When the going gets tough, the tough get tougher!" Or going, or whatever. If Scripture does anything it exposes how very weak we are and how strong Christ is. I'll be the first to say, "Small strength folks will gather over here and bring your prozac to share." The funny thing about the Word of God (in the division of soul and spirit) is it starves your soul to the point of death and when it does decide to get the paddles out and shock you to life it does so in your spirit. This is why you can read the word and be starving in soul but spiritually energized. The strange thing about the nature of man is that God can pour his strength into our weakness and use us without our conscious involvement. It's a beautiful thing. The active part is the flesh, which is not often willing to submit to the spirit but would much rather pander to the soulish. So herein lies the discipline of our rotten stinking bodies. I believe that this would be a far better world if one would simply spend their life in the confines of a five foot box and keep your eyes, ears, and hands to yourself. Sounds like prison though. And truly it is. Grant prisoners freedom and first thing many would do is abuse it for personal gain, revenge, control, pleasure, or whatever carnal evil is ruling them. Yet this is what God does to us and for us and challenges us to live in freedom. The submission is in the realization that without the fullness of His spirit invading our soulishness, we are as out of control as those prisoners. Legalism would slam the cell door shut once and for all. God desires neither. He surely gives us freedom as a gift and not as a snare. If then we are free then the challenge is to learn how to be free in a manner that brings glory to Jesus. I wonder if eternity is long enough to get that done?

I am nearly fed to the gills with the anti-semitism charges I'm hearing from the liberal media about this movie. As if this notion of anti-semitism is the worst thing since anal warts, the liberal media has taken up the task of finding a mere shred of it in this film about Jesus. I saw more anti-semitism from the Costanza's on Seinfeld than in this film.
Ya wanna find some anti-semitics to beat up on? There's a few million to the north, south, and east of Israel!!! Every Allah following son of Ishmael is anti-semitic. Apparently the media can't get this clue cause every time a suicide bomber assassin detonates on a bus in Jerusalem it makes the news right behind Jlo. (No pun intended)
The papers are worried that somebody's going to start hurting Jews because of this movie. HEY! Jews are dying every week in Jerusalem and the papers say NOTHING to condemn it. To quote the Messiah, "You hypocrites!!!"
Not hypocritical enough for ya? They say we need to leave poor Saddam alone now because they didn't have WMD's. Hey! This guy and his whole mindset thinks we all need to die. 19 anti-semitics killed 3000 Americans in under 20 minutes. I don't care if they only find buckets of snakes and flutes over there. It's time to clean house. Perhaps we ought to start with our own.
The New York Times and Austin American Statesman was good for only one thing in my house, and once the dog was housetrained and my Cockatiel died we have no use for them anymore. Don't get me wrong. I love free speech! But the media is determined to crucify Mel and pardon the sons of Arafat. If Peter Jennings wants to find some anti-semitism, I dare him to go ride the bus in Jerusalem.

The Passion [suffering] of the Christ. Cinematic history is made before my red puffy eyes. The question everyone seems to be asking is who killed Jesus. Mel's answer, "We all did." pretty much did the job for me. Beyond that, it wasn't the Romans, and it wasn't the Jews either. If any earthly system had any hand in this it was the system of religion. Those who fear anti-semitism are missing the wonderful scenes such as the conflict of the Pharisitical council itself in its pronouncement of judgement. Simon, who is forced to carry the cross when Jesus can't take another step, is called 'Jew' with all of the hatred of a curse word by a Roman guard. When Simon and Jesus, in struggling with the cross, lock arms and carry it together I dare your tear ducts to be dry. When their eyes lock in a bond of brotherhood that would leave Simon changed forever, you can't help but see the depth of God's love for the Jewish people, His people. The New York Times called the film 'artistically flawed' due to it's inability to see the point of why Jesus was suffering such torture in the first place. They chided Gibson for failing to give the backstory. Did they not see the scene in the Garden? Literally the first scene of the film, when Jesus is subjected to satan's mockery in saying, "Can one man bear the sin of the whole world?" That's the point! Oh my Lord. I was stunned to read review after review of this film written in blindness. That there are actually people in this world who can't see this after watching this film is dumbfounding. What do they use their eyes for? What good are their ears? This film offers no excuse and I would gather that more people will see this in the coming weeks than Billy Graham has seen in a lifetime. Beware, watcher, of the responsibility of what you consume here for you are without excuse. The opening scene sets up the task, to bear the sin of all mankind. The final line reveals whether or not the task was done. "It is accomplished." If your eyes see and ears hear these two lines you are without excuse. You have come to a crossroad of which there are only two choices. Acceptance or rejection. Forget the coming presidential campaign. God help our nation if we fail this election of eternal importance. God help us.
People have asked me what I, as a believer, came away with. Simply this. I was glad to see that I hadn't really become as cold as I thought I had. I pray differently today. I hope you find this to be true as well.

No, I haven't given up on writing. Actually I was getting some wonderful feedback and spent a good amount of time answering the various email I was getting from readers who dared to peer inside my mind. 2004 has just plain blown me three sheets to the wind. I have no idea what that means. I went to teach for a week at a private school south of Austin, which is heavy on my heart.
See, these kids at this high end boarding school come from successful parents, most dripping with an obscene amount of wealth. Their parents live in other countries or, in some cases, just up the highway. Do they come to visit? Sure, on the weekends or when they can. And lest the idea enter your mind that these 'kids' are mature and independant high schoolers, this is not so! The juvenilles in question are 6th grade and up. BOARDING OUT A MIDDLE SCHOOLER!!! For the love of George Herbert Walker. What in the %$&# gives these parents the right to consider themselves successful? The tuition at these places costs more than my annual salary so you're not exactly spending time in the express lane of Albertsons with a cart load of peanut butter and government cheese and swiping your WIC card here.
Now look. I know the story of Samuel and how he was devoted to God by his mother at a tender age but this is a far cry from that remarkable set of circumstances. Consider the term 'spoiled'. I had some cheese that spoiled. The residual effect of the mold was the antithesis of aromatherapy. I left a pan of chicken out by the grill once. (Ate the moist beef, left the dry chicken) In no time it turned into a science experement. I don't see how spoiling a child could smell any better. Mix that with a healthy sense of abandonment and you have the inevitable sequel to the Clinton whitehouse. So here's the deal. If you're rich, great. But what profit do you have if you gain the whole world and lose your own soul? I suggest that a man's son or daughter is as dear to him as his own soul. As he neglects one, so he neglects the other. Think your future CEO uniformed boarder is well off right where he is? I spent a week with them, and somethings rotten in Denmark. I have no idea what that means either.